Smiling :)

This post was initially in the lyrical about life blog in late September and early October, but upon reflection, it may be more relevant here. In 《红楼梦》one of the main female protagnists, 林黛玉, is a scrooge when it comes to smiling despite being a ravishing beauty, only reserving her rare smiles for her beau, 贾宝玉.

Was just having another random session of reflections when I realised a very common statement close friends have continuously made. Those whose friendship have deepened with me always remark "If I didn't get to know you well, I wouldn't think you're the type to smile". My reply would always be "Why should I smile when there is no need to smile". Now in retrospect, I think the reply was kind of a half-truth, as what I always wanted to say was "Why should I smile for others, when there is no such need to smile?"

Now when I put it into a honest statement to myself, I really want to guffaw. When did the notion of my smile belonging to others, and not myself ever occur??? The muscles are on my face, not theirs!!!! Goodness, I'm always a pundit for logic and common sense. Now looking at this statement point blank, it makes totally no sense and is absolutely hilarious. Really want to burst out laughing, but instead what comes out is more of the twitching of the corners of my mouth into an upward curve ever so slight. Well, I think God would say it's an improvement of sorts. :p

Below is a wikipedia link to the concept of smiling.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smile

By gosh I don't know when I always linked the notion of smiling for me, in particular to have a heavy negative connotation versus the positive connotation. When I reflect on what I naturally associate my smiles in particular with, a lot of ridiculous and nonsensical notions actually surface.

1. Smiling is a sign of absolute immaturity
This rationale is crap. I look at so many who I love, admire and respect, they're all great smilers who naturally exude an air of self-respect and self-assuredness. How come when I apply it to myself, the concept of immaturity comes in???
2. I'm lousy at attempting to smile when the incentive is low and it comes out deceptive, so I'd rather go to the other extreme and look serious
Ok, this notion is slightly better in logic but then loopholes are still present with flawed logic. Of course smiling for the sake of smiling seems forced and I've always been lousy at acting. Then I stop short. Wait, when did the concept of it being acting come in? Why doubt my own sincerity? I can conversely also be insincere in attempting to come across as serious, but how come I never question and plough straight ahead with displaying this behaviour??? Weird...
3. I should only smile and laugh at appropriate timings
Flawed logic again. When is it "appropriate"? I tend to define the appropriate timing and amount based on others, never myself. For those who I'm familiar and assured with, then of course it emerges more, and vice versa for the other opposite scenario. Goodness, no wonder many always remark later I have this look as if I want to "murder" someone initially, when I'm actually freaking scared of being "murdered" by them...

We human being are created in the image of God. It is very amazing the Bible has never mentioned what Jesus Christ looked like, with not a single word on his physical features. We thinking that He being God, would have to look awesomely handsome, with a megawatt smile of the holy kind. Then the ball is thrown back to our, namely my court. Since I'm a daughter of His, of course I must resemble him. If I think He has a great smile, why doubt that I'm terrible at smiling and should remain poker faced unless necessary. When He tells me to smile, then just smile la, goodness! :)

Movie Mayhem with God Part 8: The Ides of March

Alright, a final movie to wrap up for 2012. Sorry, for only writing it now as I think it's most probably off from the theatres by now, though for those determined ones, you can still try your luck with Cathay. Good luck!

My feelings towards this movie are very mixed. I had watched it as early as 10 weeks ago and was utterly dejected when I walked out. Not disappointed with the movie. In fact, it was a great movie. I had gained another two actors to follow (Ryan Gosling and George Clooney). More of disappointed with myself as I knew how much I could relate to Ryan Gosling's character in the film. I was greatly in danger of being totally disillusioned and jaded with my work then... Yup, Ryan Gosling's character ends up that way, after a series of tumultous events which totally changes his outlook towards what he had believed in and served so passionately then. I do not wish to give spoilers, so please check out the film at your DVD shop three months later or try your luck at Cathay cinemas asap...

I'd like to delve deeper into where I think Ryan Gosling's character had gone wrong in the start, which would ultimately lead to eventual disappointment no matter what. He was worshipping and serving people (which includes not just his colleagues but also himself) and the work itself, not God. Ok, very difficult to explain what is the difference, but to just to simplify matters, he idolised people (himself and/or others) and the work itself.

However, no matter what or who we idolise, we'll eventually end up being disappointed with it or them, period. Simply because they are not God. Thus, they will have the capacity to fail and disappoint. Just as God blessed us with them, we must keep in mind that they are from God, but they are not God... I know this is very hard to explain in concrete terms... To get a bit of relevant support, maybe this blog of mine "Work ≠ War" may help shed more light unto what I'm trying to get at...
http://workneednotencompasswar.blogspot.com/

We just have to keep our focus on God. Then everything will be alright. Period. It is by no coincidence that 2012 begins on a sunday. Sunday is Sabbath, basically a day of rest as decided by God himself. Let's all give ourselves a good rest on the first day of 2012, so that we can focus on God for 2012, and leave it for Him to pave the way for us. All we need to do is make sure we look out for his voice and obey his words. It's always about God, never about how, what, why, us, them or it...

but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
Exodus 20:10-11 (NIV)

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
Ecclesiastes 3:9-14 (NIV)

How "intimate" are you with your job?

First and foremost, I'll like to thank God for having safely brought me to the last day of 2011, It's been a rocky year, but I look back and thank Him for tiding me through. Secondly, I'd like to thank Him for giving me the "eureka" moment by answering this persistent question that has been bugging me quite a while, especially in the past four months... In a previous post on this blog, I had brought up that a common advice friends had given me, when I shared my dejection over work challenges, was to "just treat this as a job".

Frankly speaking, I hated that phrase. In fact, I detested that phrase and was sort of "sneering" behind their backs at what I thought was their lack of commitment and professionalism. Finally upon reading this collection of short stories "Kadokawa Shoten" (loosely translated as "Definitely no tears") by Fumio Yamamoto, I finally realised the truth...

In Yamamoto's short stories, she potrays snippets of ladies in a range of common and uncommon professions, and their mindsets when going about work and their relationships with others (this includes not just colleagues but also family, friends and even lovers) pertaining to their job. In the epilogue, Yamamoto writes that it is "not necessary for everyone to love or even like their job", even though the author herself prefers the mode of being madly in love with her work. She also says that due to the limited time span each of us have in our life, we are unable to experience all the different types of work available, and thus will never understand or empathise how others treat their work.

I'm very grateful for having read these insights and gained a better understanding to that phrase I had reviled so much then. Turns out that that phrase is a "rubber phrase", as people often describe as flexible to personal preference and interpretation. We tend to think of our job as an object, something devoid of emotions, likes and dislikes. Granted the work itself is not a being. However, when we work, we will have to deal with other human beings. It is just that depending on the nature of our job, the types of people we deal with will vary and so will our frequency with them. Thus, I'd like to further build on Yamamoto's insight, and state that how we define our job depends on the level and type of intimacy we'll like to have with those we deal with when working...

This intimacy preference, will then depend solely on the personal makeup of what are the worker's principles and values. Taking myself, I crave honesty, integrity and responsibility, both from self and others. Thus, the vibes I may give off to others may be that of stern, demanding though sincere. For those who value principles and values of kindness and forgiveness, they may come across as less intimidating to others, though I would misunderstand and view it as complacency and leniency to both self and others.

In this area, there is no rule of right and wrong level and type of intimacy, as each person is unique in their makeup. What matters most is that as a worker, we have a relationship with our work. Afterall, creation itself is work, God himself being the ultimate creator, having a relationship with all that he created. Once we cease to want to maintain our relationships at work at all, only then it really signalls something being very wrong...

Having completed my LCCI course in basic accounting, I've always been fascinated by the defintions of terms "capital", "asset" and "liability", though more from a sociological and linguistic point-of-view. As we draw to the close of this year, I've come to realise that God is indeed absolutely fair and just to everyone. Each one of us, has an equal amount of time in a full day. Everyone only has 24 hours. No more, no less. We are all given equal capital. Whether it translates into an asset or liability, will depend on how we work to maintain our relationships. Happy New Year's Eve and blessed 2012!

P.S. For those who are tired with their work and/or maintenance of relationships, maybe just sneak a peak into the book of Ecclesiastes of the Bible. It seems a depressing read upon first glance, but take time to digest it slowly. We have all the same amount of "capital" to use. Enjoy!

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
Ecclesiastes 3:9-14 (NIV)

Relationship Thirst: Coffee or Wine?

In the Dream of the Red Mansion《红楼梦》, the protagonist 贾宝玉 often questions about relationship thirst, debating over the theory that men are made of soil and women are made of water. After having been through a series of heart-wrenching events, he eventually deduced that men and women contain both elements.

I've shared with some peers about my relationship escapades, past and present. Strictly speaking they were all prematurely conceived or one-sided (though part of me is still highly suspicious but even then...). Most feedback generated were that my "tactics" employed were suicidal, such that I extinguished any possibility through my forthrightness.

One close friend was very amused over how I still kept in touch with a certain guy for more than a decade, with both me and him still in 暧昧 mode. She had jokingly remarked that this series of happenings between us two could rival the length of Taiwanese drama serials, and that if it were her, she would have lost patience early on.

A mentor of mine from my current workplace had once analysed that if a woman's outlook towards relationships is that she wishes to love the guy more than he loves her, she must be prepared to have patience to wait for the relationship to nurture.

It seems that most my compatriots outlook towards boy-girl relationshps often take the mode of coffee, especially instant coffee. The aim is to settle for something that quenches your thirst as soon as possible, while providing both parties with as much energy to keep awake for the challenges ahead. If the coffee has added creamer, sugar thrown in according to cater to your individual taste bud preference level, all the better.

The attitude I (and some other rarer girl friends) have towards boy-girl relationships is of that of wine. We do not ask for too much. A small sip is enough to open up our appetite to love him more, our digestion of the blessings we have been bestowed everyday. We are also patient in waiting for it to ferment into a top-rate beverage.

However, be it wine or coffee, over-reliance on them to quench thirst runs risk of leading to addiction. I do not need to elaborate the negative and detrimental effects of coffee addiction and alcohol addiction.

Here I need to keep in mind the most important element in all beverages, namely water. Without any fluid, it would cease to function as a beverage. As Jesus Christ has likened himself to being water to quench our spiritual thirst, I would pray for him to lead me toward the exact beverage suited to satisfy and nourish me. Amen!

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
John 4:13-14 (NIV)

I am simply a woman

I didn’t like《红楼梦》(Dream of Red Mansions) during my early years. Thought it was just a boring tale of a guy dithering in a bunch of girls, aka Bella Twilight style. That was till this year…

I don’t think I’ve been through a lot for this past three decades. I know of people who have been through more challenges and ordeals. This is not a blog of grumbling or ranting, but of intimate talk and reflections as a woman.

Yes, I’ve become a woman, not a girl anymore. Somehow when I was ploughing through the abridged version of the book,《吴淡如新说红楼梦》, at full speed ahead, something within me tugged… It was like God holding up a mirror to me, showing me what constitutes a woman, the good the bad and the ugly. I could see parts of my current self in all the females, and parts of what I actually wished was my future better and more godly self. Considering that the author of the book is a male, I find this amazing… But then, again, God’s ways are out of the world, completely objective and just, aren’t they?

I wouldn’t say I got this eureka moment when I finished the book, more of a long sigh moment. I couldn’t even identify the emotion behind the sigh. All I understand are these few insights:
· You can’t keep anything. In fact there’s no point and no good in keeping it. What falls under “anything” then? It’s practically everything we’ve been given by God in our life in this world.
· Whatever’s happened to us on this world, good or bad, it wasn’t a waste of time. It was a necessary journey to learn to love.
· When one person loves another, it is really is that one party owes the other. No, I’m not advocating belief in karma and reincarnation. A Christian way of reconciling this would be that we’ve sinned to God, and he’s telling us to fulfill our part of repentance by loving others. However, the nature of the love we're supposed to give the other party is not for us to control but for us to obey according to God's orders. Only then do we show love for God, and totally let go of this worldly life.
· I do believe that only Jesus, son of God’s love saved us from sin. However, contrary to this linear one-dimensional interpretation I’d like to inject in another angle. The previous type of love we bore towards others was idolatory love. We loved those others more than God. We forgot they were gifts bestowed to us by Him. We either thought they were God, or we thought that we were God. Thus the journey on this world is for us to realise and grapse this truth.

Of course the overarching theme behind this novel is fate. However I believe fate and God are mutually inclusive and the same actually, thus explaining God’s omnipotence and omnipresence. Afterall, when the author wrote the novel, I don’t think he was aware of Christian principles. As I’ve said in a previous blog entry in another separate blog, the written word is God. We just need to look and reconcile, to recognise Him there.

I’ll just sign off this intro entry with what I gleaned from my first reading of the novel. I’ve identified what I’m supposed so display as a woman of Christ after reading the book. The next entries will touch on the characteristics I’ve to learn to display and their corresponding contexts.
Amen!

红楼所悟
工作认真须像探春；对家人长辈谦卑须像宝钗；对命运释怀须像迎春；辨别是非对错须像尤三；求自保须像惜春；对同事忍让须像平儿；表白心态坦白须像晴雯；对待朋友义气须像湘云；对爱执著须像黛玉；言出必行须像鸳鸯，不枉此生为女子…

Word Play 1: Professionalism

A recent pet phrase of mine has been the term "professionalism", especially in the light of the office politics that has been been rocking me to and fro for the past five months. In the previous blog entry, I touched on the concept of how commitment to your job is actually related to your love and passion for this calling. Today I'll try correlating love and professionalism.

Here's the definition of the term "profession" from dictionary.com
profession (noun)
1. a vocation requiring knowledge of some department of learning or science
2. any vocation or business.
3. the body of persons engaged in an occupation or calling
4. the act of professing; avowal; a declaration, whether true or false
5. the declaration of belief in or acceptance of religion or a faith

The noun "profession" is usually used in a more bombastic context to replace the drab term "job". However when we look into the dictionary, we see some hidden element behind the term profession which the word "job" does not necessarily mention or include.

In the first point, when you go about your profession, you definitely require some knowledge of it, or else you wouldn't have gotten accepted for the post. Consecutively as you progress in this profession, you knowledge in this spectrum is expected to grow, or you would not deserve to call this your profession. Usually a dynamo of sorts is essential in driving us in pursuit of knowledge. This dynamo or force is a love for something, be it promotion in hierachy, earning, status, the enjoyment during the actual act of carrying out the tasks required for the job. Next, in the third to fifth points, the concepts of calling, avowal, declaration and faith appear. All this are highly related to the concept of love and do not need further elaboration. Thus, we can safely deduce that the critical element differentiating "job" and "profession", is the presence of love. If you love your work, it no longer is just a job, it becomes your profession.

The next question to ask ourselves is, how do we identify and define "love". Well, the famous 1 Corinthians 13 chapter gives us a lengthy insight into the concept of love as I'll transcribe it later. Below is a reflection on how I am performing in each aspect.

Kindness: joy in helping others.
Sad to say I'm calculative in this element, such that the amount I dispense is also according to how the other party has treated me first. It may be high time for me to throw away the bookeeping for how much to help others, in correspondence to how they much they help me.

Patience: accepting the imperfections of others
Drat! I am an epic failure at this one. Don't even dare to describe how I perform. I don't even show patience to myself, thus this causes huge misunderstandings on the part of many who do not know me, thinking I love to find fault with others. I do self-bashing much more than they know...

Forgiveness: Freedom from the grip of anger
Ok, my past track record at this was not much better than the previous aspect of patience. Thankfully the past five months have improved my performance in the humility aspect and this has rubbed onto the forgiveness part. Many old baggages of anger towards be it others or myself have been thrown away. The anger still simmers once in a while, but most of what I feel now is melancholy and wistfulness at how things could have been instead, if I had just been more humble, courteous and patient...

Courtesy: Treating others as friends
This one is kinda tricky, because different people treat others who they truthfully declare to be friends, differently. Thus when I treat other in a manner which I feel is already courteous enough, it may not match up to the other party's definition of how they feel a friend should treat them. This oversight in putting myself in others' shoes has been one of the major culprits behind the mayhem for the past five months. I need to remember to be conscious of how my friends what to be treated by me, not only how I want to treat my friends...

Humility: Stepping down to let others step up
Another chronic problem of mine. Many close friends have chided me for having this "I know better than you" mentality, when I tell them what's happened to me in the workplace. Even if my intentions behind giving an insider, more experienced POV is actually kind, it may not be taken so by the other party, because of the "I" term which crops up way too much. I must train myself to use the word "you" more instead while reducing the "I", and to change their sequence, letting "you" appear before "I" more often...

Generousity: Giving myself to others
I've shown fairly consistent performance in this area, since under the mentorship of Jamie two years ago. She's long left that place and so have I. However, she is the angel sent by God who has been propelling me in the discipleship of love towards my profession. I don't think I'll be able to show consistency in this area without her guidance under her tuelage then. And now in this new place, there are also other mentors whom I must remind myself to look up, lest I let up my diligence.

Honesty: Revealing who you are
Hahahaha. Seems like I have not much trouble underperforming in this area. In fact I overperform, such that it is too bare naked for some to bear. :p The confusion then comes in is the misinterpretation by others of the motives and agendas behind my naked honesty... Sigh... I may need to clothe myself in kindness, patience, courtesy and humilty more, such that they see better...

It's good to reflect on how my love for my work had grown since 2008. It can indeed be a profession, and no longer just a job for me. A final big thanks to God for having helped me identify my calling, and I pray for his guidance and care in helping me remain faithful in my love for it. Amen!


P.S. This blog entry was inspired after reading "Love as a way of life" by Gary Chapman. Anyone who feels the dousing on love in any part of their life, I would highly recommend picking this book up. Enjoy! :)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 7 (NIV)

Perfect job??

Lately the articles written have all been with a very critical and bitter edge. Thank God I realised how I was mutating and decided to put a stop to it once and for all. Will do my utmost to make this one a pleasant one of thanksgiving.

Some khakis and mentors have pondered and still do to this day why I wish to stay in the VWO sector and work, despite its lack of perks. Ok, I'll be very frank, initially I had no love for this sector at all. Nada, nyan, nyet, zilch. It was because of sheer desperation, due to my previous condition, where I was unable to be accepted in any other jobs with my qualifications. Was at the point of almost hopelessness when the offer came. And during the process of my first three years in my first VWO, I learnt and grew.

I learnt how brattish and cocky I was, always thinking I was king of the world, when some of my plans were very outright junvenile with no clear concept of what I was getting at. I was just doing for the sake of doing.

I learnt how lazy I was with lack of initiative to do follow up on many tasks, which I always assumed to be other's responsibility.

I learnt how unreasonable some of my demands were, as if I owned the workplace and other colleagues needed to kowtow to my every need and whim.

Slowly I learnt to appreciate the beauty of the VWO sector, though my appreciation of it in the initial two years were fairly shallow. I had this "I only love what I like from it", not it as a whole. Then, the butting out happened. During the first three months, still harboured bitterness towards the upper echleons who made the decision. Felt that I had already made improvements to myself, throughout the process which led to my resignation I had fulfiled my duties it seemed, was always questioning to myself what the heck was wrong with them. I forgot to also ask myself what the heck was wrong with myself, thinking I always knew best.

Turns out in devotion to getting the issue or duty tackled, I was on the correct track. I had picked up the virtues of initiative, commitment, responsibility along the way for my past three years there. I had yet to pick up the virtues of patience, empathy, forgiveness and peace. God then had to come in to give me a wakeup call.

No matter which workplace you are in, it will never be perfect. There will always be flaws present, as it comprises of human beings. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. However I need to remind myself that we are made in the image of God too. I must keep the constant lookout of God in that place where I am. In God's eyes, I am just the same as them, no better, no worse, but most importantly we are loved all the same.

Been reflecting this week and really thankful God has placed me back in the VWO sector again for the past three months, though this time another charity. I would now proudly declare that yes, I am in love with my job. Yes, I get very stressed up by its many aspects which make me want to throw in the towel very badly. However, I always remember that it loved me first. It opened my eyes up to a lot of things many may take for granted. I really cannot use words to describe it.

During the previous two months of intense stress where I had really considered leaving, some of my current colleagues have advised me to either "just treat this as a job" or "if you really feel so miserable, then leave". Previously in other scenarios, my parents have always told me not to do comparison with my siblings and peers for fear of envy mounting in me. I am still tackling this deadly sin daily. It is a constant battle but I thank God for having increased my prowess against it. However here comes the bombshell. When it comes to thanksgiving of what I have been blessed with, I need to compare myself with others.

I know some Christians do not like to use that term due to its negative connotation. For this, I have come to laugh at myself. The competitive streak in there will not disppear till the day of disciplehood on earth is complete. Why not use it towards the glorification of God?

Finally today I realised why despite all the frustration and agony of being in the teaching line for so long, my father has always stayed put. After the initial anger and disappointment with what you see, you calm down and reflect and then you realise that God is still there. Personally I dislike using the term "just treat this as a job", because my own interpretation is that it smacks of irresponsibility, something which I have come to abhor as it was grossly present within me in the initial years. I then remind myself, this is my interpretation of the term. Who am I to be so sure that when others "treat it as a job", there is no element of devotion to the cause? It is more of a difference in phrasing. Maybe what they have been advising me, was to inject the element of empathy, understanding and forgiveness. I really need to just look back and laugh, praying to God that we all have learnt along the way.

If it comes to the second phrase pertaining to level of misery, then my answer would be the joy definitely overcomes the misery. This is where I do the comparison act. I compare the amount of joy God has blessed me in this current job, compared to amount of misery the evil one has tried to inflict upon me to make me stray. Then the answer becomes very clear cut and point blank. No need to doubt God's plans anymore.

I'm not writing off the beauty of other workfields. It is just that God has not granted me to the ability to view them in the light I view mine. I can always do worrying and grumbling about the imperfections of the VWO field, but I must always remember to pray for it. Afterall, it loved me first.

Attahed is above is the flipchart of a presentation I had made at NVPC around 12 weeks ago. I need to constantly remind myself with the flipchart of how clear headed I was then surprisingly. What matters is not who starts the dynamo. It is just to keep the dynamo running.

I don't read Sun Tzi's "Art of Warfare"!

This is my first in another blog series. Having soaked myself in the workplace coming to 7 years now, sometimes floating with ease, sometimes at the brink of drowning, other times wading in murky waters, I think it is time to write a blog specifically about the ideologies, philosophies in the workplace. I’m not super experienced. These are just random musings of my own. I’ll take it as a “letters to God and fellow friends” of sorts to share about. All are free to input and feedback. I will do my utmost to refrain from personal attacks on particular people, organisations, nationalities. This is where I appeal to you my reader audience to act as a “co-pilot”, slapping me awake lest I start going into that forbidden zone. Thank you! :)

Today’s topic will touch on the rationale behind the title of my blog. I don’t remember when people started officially associating workplace with warfare. I suppose the roots behind the term “everyday is a battle” are hard to trace. However, when people started openly recommending reading Sun Tzi’s “Art of Warfare” to apply in the workplace context, I started becoming unsettled. Pardon me but it is really too “in your face”. Must we really sink to this “I want the life jackets, all of them for me”, while depriving others. Do we really have so little faith that there aren’t enough to go around? Too bad that under situations of stress, I too tend to slip into this mode, sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously.

Here then we trace the ends for justifying the use of warfare. Historically, warfare is engaged only in situation when a party feels that its survival is threatened. At least that is what the party which initiates the war openly claims. Let us then look at the end results of war. There will always emerge a “winner versus loser” situation, at least in the open. A certain party has to concede defeat before the other can outright claim victory.

However no matter what, there in fact is no concept of absolute victory in any war. No matter what weapons, strategies are employed, livelihoods are disrupted, and lives will be lost. I’d rather term it as “relative victory”. This would mean a “my damages are less than yours” point of view.

I’m no “make love not war” hippy though. Just imagine if UK and USSR hadn’t finally “woke up” after Hitler moved in Poland; US hadn’t stepped in after Pearl Harbour. The question then is more of a “when” rather than a “yes or no”.

Now, we relate it back to the workplace, where my argument then comes in. For the workplace, if we employ warfare strategy, we are employing a mentality which is to vanquish the opponent at all costs, such that they do not even survive… Is it necessary? Must we be on such an offensive mode all the time? Do we need to be so merciless? Are we under such a grave threat that we have no assurance that any being is able to provide for us anymore?

Some people argue that they are employing warfare methods at work for defense purposes. Then my rationale is this: no matter which term you use for justifying your reasons for warfare, be it offense or defense, you already have the mentality of not sparing your opponent. The opponent is left with no escape and ends up dead or a prisoner. Of course when this is applied in the workplace, the outcome is displayed on a psychological rather than literal sense.

I don’t have any wonderful solution to this. I engage in this warfare too. However I detest it! I can only pray that approval and endorsement of this warfare mindset or mentality never takes root in me. I hope that it never takes root in you too. Using the analogy of a farmer, this mindset is a weed which I'm constantly uprooting daily. Always pray for wisdom to identity whether the situation is a potential Poland or Pearl Harbour in our workplace, such that it warrants us to finally engage this mindset.

Movie Mayhem with God Part 7: Wu Xia

Finally! Able to sit down to catch a good movie in theatres after so long. (I've actually watched another movie just days before this one, but was so insulted by its lameness and so ashamed of my stupidity and curiousity in going to watch it... I think by now you may have known which movie I'm mentioning about... :P )

Anyway, I was supposed to have was Wu Xia much much earlier ago with an ex-colleague of mine when we met up. However she had disclosed to me that she was a bit uncomfortable with watching in as she didn't like the "Wu Xia" concept, which she feels maybe against the lines of Christian teachings. Eventually, by God's plans, we didn't manage to watch it that day, and it was only till today was I able to catch the film.

Maybe due to my liberalness cum being an avid swordfighting novel fan since childhood, I feel that actually it all depends on how you interpret the movie. If you pray to God, asking him to show you his teachings in whatever you partake. This crucial aspect is how we relate and reconcile everything back to Him, the famous loving God with "all of heart, mind and soul".

In the movie, Donnie Yen plays a ex-killer, who deserted his murderous clan 10 years ago in search of a peaceful life, due to his guilt and remorse over a gruesome murder of an entire family, in particular one young victim. He has settled down in a village as a papermaker, married a virtuous village widow, and now has a happy family of two sons. However to his horror, his past catches up with him when two killers from a rival clan happen to pass the village and recognise him and launch an attack to kill him. In a bid to save the villagers while still keeping his identity secret, he skillfully kills them, making everything seem coincidental and out of sheer luck. This does not deceive the detective constable, played by Takeshi Kaneshiro, who deduces that Donnie Yen is not quite the simple villager he makes himself out to be...

The fighting scenes of the film are awesome (kudos to Donnie Yen again for being i/c of action screenplay) with the team behind the soundtrack being a huge boost to adding impact to the movie as it proceed. However the ultimate scriptwriter, God, peppers in His teachings in more precious nuggets.

The story emphasises on repentence, as the lead character wishes to turn his back from his cruel and murderous past. The detective constable however is not convinced by his sincerity. This is too is attributed to a dark past of himself, having been too merciful to a young convict in the past, thus giving the killer another chance to commit an even greater crime. Thus, the detective constable is disillusioned by the concept of mercy and repentance, always insisting on the governance of justice. Below is a conversation between the two, when the constable was grilling the lead on his past, illustrating their conflict.

Lead: Actually everything is interlinked and through fate. If I hadn't passed by the village 10 years ago and spotted my wife, I wouldn't have settled down here and married her. If I hadn't settled down here and married here, I wouldn't have taken up the job of being a papermaker. If I hadn't taken up the job of being a papermaker, I wouldn't happen to be in the store that day during the attack. If I hadn't been in the store that day, I wouldn't have run into those two men. If I hadn't run into those two men, they wouldn't have died. If they hadn't died, you wouldn't have come here to investigate me. All of us are equally responsible for everything in the world that happens.
Constable: Are you meaning to say that all of us are equally responsible for the crimes committed by murderers?

Lead: I wasn't mentioning about the context of murderers committing murder...

Another character in the movie, the lead's mother, also poses doubts to the concept of repentence and re-birth. She, under the lead's father (also clan master)'s orders, heads the first expendition to the village, committing mayhem and murder, in a bid to force the lead to showcase his swordfighting to save the village, and eventually make his compromise and return to the clan. At the final moment when the lead tries to stop her from falling into the rapids after a rigorous fight with her (one of the best kungfu moments in the film), she looks up at him and says "Who are you deceiving? You are still Tang Long. (The lead's original name)", before plunging into the depths.

Thankfully, the lead is saved from the depths of eternal sin and condemnation as eventually all these doubts and half-truths are reconciled back to God's teaching. What happens eventually can be really a literal translation of God's teachings... The lead undergoes death of sorts (with the grudging help of the constable's medical knowldge to put him in semi-coma state but to reawake him again later) to trick the second expedition, literally severs himself from him dreadful past (similar to what was in the previous movie "The Beaver" which I last reviewed). Most importantly during the final showdown between the lead and his father cum clan master, it is not through his own strength and ability in which the clan master is eventually defeated. In fact it is really through an act of God. The lead having slightly exhausted and distracted his father, manages to allow the constable an opportunity to use acupunture to attack his father's critical defense nerve points, rendering it vulnerable. Even then, it is a bolt of lightning from the heavy rain which strikes his father dead through that acupunture point, as his and the constable by then have been very badly injured, collapsed in a corner. From this way, it is a three-tier effort through which the villian is finally defeated.

Similarly, the three-tier relationship is also present in us Christians. This is namely God (represented by the lightning bolt), the Holy Spirit (the lead himself), and Jesus (the constable). Yes, sadly the constable eventually dies after this final battle but at his death moment, he himself is finally reconciled with the fact that repentence and re-birth does exist. Kind of a perfect fit of sorts in my view, as the concepts of judgement, repentence and re-birth all fall into place seamlessly.

During the night before the final battle between the lead and his father, this is the conversation between the lead and the constable. I think we Christians can take heed and keep it as a gentle reminder in our hearts...
Lead: Didn't I tell you not to come back?
Constable: Why didn't you murder me that day when you were leading me out of the village?
Lead: You promised to let me off.
Constable: Come on, did you think I would really let you off?
Lead: I trust you.

No one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.
John 3:3 (NIV)

For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.
1 Peter 1:23 (NIV)

But God raised him from the dead.

Acts 13:30 (NIV)

If your hand or foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed and crippled, than to have two hands or two feets but to be thrown into eternal fire.

Matthew 18:8, Mark 9:46 (NIV)

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17

At the end of the film, the lead settles down to the peaceful and tranquil life he so much wishes, taking on the passed away constable's tasks of moonlighting TCM. Now that his past is reconciled, his wife is finally at ease with telling him to return home in time for dinner daily. Likewise, when we are God's new creation, we are assured that we will be able to return for reunion with God in the home that we call Heaven. Amen!

Movie Mayhem with God Part 6: The Beaver

It's been a very traumatic weekend. I've just finished attending a 3-session introduction to a counselling course where the eventual counselling method was based on deliverance. I was recommended to the course by my cell leader and cell mates after all that I had been going through, especially the past 9 months. Of course the notion of me needing counselling did not have a positive connotation. I was actually very perverse to it due to my history. I won't give too many details about about my past or what happened this weekend. In fact even though I haven't gone through the actual counselling session (they will do the one-to-one session later) I was already experiencing immense spiritual warfare which unleashed itself partially today. Definitely doesn't look good to outsiders who doesn't know what is going on. Well, I certainly thank Jesus I have let some of the murky water that has been bottled up inside me come out this noon, and also for Him explaining to me the reasons why I was so bothered with its murkiness. Turns out I had so many misconceptions about the murkiness which need to be cleared. However, for now, He tells me that these are the issues, just wait and we'll deal with it later. I'll tell you when the time is ripe. Just rest now.

Thus, I went to watch a movie. Again. Ok, thankfully I had watched the movie with God in the theatre (and some public), as this movie needs to be watched with God accompanying you fully throughout, as even though the teachings behind the story is biblical, it is quite harrowing. Plot-wise it is about a depressed man (Mel Gibson), whose depression has led to such intense frustration amongst his family members that his wife (Jodie Foster) is forced to ask him to leave. In his despair, he found a puppet beaver which he uses as a therapy tool of sorts to deal with his relationships with everyone around him, and he regains his confidence in life...initially.

Ok, I'm kind of thinking how best to reveal the biblical concepts without giving spoilers about the movie. I think the best way is to write the verses down and for those with the courage to pray and then go watch the movie, you'll definitely know which verses inspire the parts of the plot of the movie.

And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go to hell.
Matthew 5:30

If your hand or foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire.
Matthew 18: 8

If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better to enter life maimed than two hands into hell, where the fire never goes out.
Mark 9:43

Woah... Those teachings are very difficult to stomach leh... Definitely for me, as I know the things that are causing me to stumble cannot say cut then cut one. For me if can so literally cut off and throw away then it would be wonderful... Then how? Then how? This has been the point that has actually bothering me for the past 9 months. It then falls back to his teachings. If both He and you know this aspect bothering you in faith cannot be literally severed, then we can only pray and trust and then wait for his instruction to come. Don't go into panic mode with you feel you don't hear/see/feel/know anything. Aiya, easier said than done la. My past 9 months have been a horrible status anxiety constantly. Even now there is still residue and this blog is a form of prayer to Him for trust, patience, perserverance and peace... There is truth and wisdom to be found in His Word. However, being the creator of language and literature techniques, we must remember that God also uses this techniques in his teachings. Many of his famous teachings were in the form of parables. Those 3 verses quoted above seem very literal and straighforward when reading, but application is another matter altogether. The act of severing or cutting in those verses may actually mean another form of severing. At least for me, it means the severing of certain strongholds that the Evil One has on me, which sadly are not physical issues. Thus the pain and ardour of the process is of a different level. It is definitely traumatising. Today's round was only just an initial part of the severing. Darn painful really. Now the ultimate physician has told me, that's enough for today. Just go back and rest for now. When it is time for be it you, me or others to do anything, I Jesus Christ will instruct on how to proceed...

I'll just like to end up with a concept I extropolated from the movie, not sure whether it was part of the scriptwriter's intent. Sometimes, we see the four walls where we are in as enclosing us in a prison and we desperately want to break free. However, sometimes we yearn for those four walls us they symbolise room which God has specially allocated for us, to be protected forever safe from any fear and danger outside. Thus whenever we are at a lost of how to interpret something, pray to Him first to show how to read and analyse it.

We are often confused by some phrases. In the movie, it concludes with a graduation ceremony speech of a female character, saying that "everyone has been telling us a lie, "it is going to be alright"". Ok, the point at which the character says is valid, as she gones on to explain that even though everything may not be alright always, there is someone that is always there for us, watching over us. However an additional point I want to point out that, to turn the lie into an ultimate universal truth we just need to say "everything is going to be alright eventually". And this is also how the movie ends too... Praise God!

My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a room for you?
John 14:2

Movie Mayhem with God Part 5: X-Men First Class

Was just chatting with the close Christian mentor friend of mine last week, about me being eager to watch X-Men: First Class. Then she remarked to me that her daughter had just watched it but didn't like it as it was like "all about war and killing".
Fast forward to today. I've just came back from the theatres and watched it. Yup, lots about war and killing but I think maybe her daughter missed moments when Cross-Man Jesus Christ was lurking in the movie. Afterall, Jesus Christ is The Ultimate Superhero, by doing many seemingly impossible things, turning water to wine, making lame walk, making blind see, healing lepers, making Lazarus rise from the dead, and his own resurrection. His score is impossible to beat.
Huh? Ok, then you may ask, which one is he? Prof X or Magneto? Ok, of course in the comic the good guys are definitely Prof X's X-Men, with Magneto's Brotherhood going to be the ultimate baddies. But when you look deeper into the character development of both leaders, actually traits of the ultimate superhero Jesus Christ lies in both. Scorecard breakdown below.

Professor X:
1. I know how you feel
Professor X is able to empathise with Magneto, literally, what struggles heartache pain, he went through. I think for us, we are assured, God knows spot on what and how we feel every moment and shares it with us.

For the Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought.
1 Chronicles 28:9
You know when I sit and rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar. Before a word is on my tongue, you Lord, know it completely.
Psalms 139:1-4

2. Designing training ultimate PT style to make us become superheroes too
In the middle of the film when the mutants are forced to shift HQ as it was no longer safe, Professor X kicks start this series of ultimate training schedule, guiding all the mutants on how their skills can be used. Especially memorable is him slowly training Havoc, until Havoc is able to manouver and control his chest laser weapon, accurately on specific targets.
God also puts believers through a gruelling PT series called life, where he moulds our skills and abilties through challenges and obstacles, where we get better and better, using our capabilities only in ways that is to our good, thus glorifying him.

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

3. I can read your thoughts but I promise not to
Professor X promises Mystique that even though he can read her thoughts, he will never do it. As X-men fans know, eventually Mystique goes over to Magneto's camp and becomes Prof X's enemy but he never uses that power to pre-empt her for victory over Magneto.
In a slightly similar way, God knows every of our thoughts and decisions. However, he never really forces us against our will. His gift to us is free will to decide what we want to do.

I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.
Revelations 3:20

4. Striving for Peace
Professor X is definitely not into death, war and mass carnage. Early on it is he who dives into the water to save Magneto who was trying hard to "attract" the submarine up to avenge his mother's killer, but was in danger of drowning. Later on, he stops Magneto from starting an impending WWIII, at the expense of being shot in his spine and then eventually being paralysed. Hmm... slight martydom of sorts comparable to Jesus Christ's ultimate sacrifice by dying on the cross

Read on his cruxifiction ordeal in all 4 Gospels.


Magneto:
1. Going through hardship to eventually unlease full potential
Magneto went through the agony of seeing his mother's murder and this was the catalyst which unleased his power. It was the sadness and anger at seeing a loved one die which made him into what he eventually was. The greatest moment of his display of his abilty was when Professor X pointed out that it was to strike a balance between joy and anger.
Jesus Christ went through the anguish of being sent by God on earth for the ultimate mission. I don't think he totally enjoyed, especially as it got harder and harder. Yup, he made many dear friends and companions but the constant buildup until the final week was really awful for him. Facing the sickening snobbish hypocrites. Getting maligned for being a con-man and/or freak. Knowing before hand that one very close will betray you for like money not even enough to buy a proper meal, another super loyal khaki will deny you three times, the others will flee and disperse for cover, those who respected you previously will mock you while you are nailed to two pieces of wood hanging in the sun for an entire day, saying "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" before saying "It is finished". Jesus indeed attained the best balance, anger over sin itself, while still loving those who do so. Well, the most joyful thing is that he accomplished what would have been Mission Impossible for any human being.

For more, read the 4 Gospels, especially the Gospel of John, on his internal emotional battle...

2. Mutant and proud of it
It was Magneto who taught Mystique to stop being so ashamed of her abilities (her actual blue skin which assists her to have chamelon-like abilties). That why at the end Mystique was able to remark to Beast before she defected over to Magneto camp that they have to remember that they are "mutant and proud".
Jesus Christ accepts us for the way we are. What has the potential in making us sin, he also sees it as a form of beauty in us, abilties which can be moulded to later serve his cause only if we accept him as saviour. Afterall we are originally made in the image of this ultimate superhero. So, thus upon accepting Christ, we are really proclaiming to everyone, "follower of Christ and proud!"

But God demonstrates his love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us
Romans 5:8
Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position
James 1:9

3. Brotherhood of mutants
Yup, Magneto starts this brotherhood of mutants in the end, which sad to say in the movie, is the villian gang for the upcoming sequels, where fellow mutants take fend for each other, but by being on the offensive against ordinary humans.
Jesus Christ started the first church (Him and the 12 disciples) with a brotherhood where all believers support and care for one another. Thankfully, Jesus never believed in staying on offense mode constantly... The most serious offense mode he ever displayed was ransacking the church's pasar malam only. Sarcasm to the Pharisees was so minor....

All the believers were one in heart and mind.
Acts 4:32


Seems like for now Professor X wins Magneto narrowly in the Christ-like traits scorecard. However if I'm given a choice on features I prefer, Micheal Fassbender beats James McAvoy hands down la. Afterall, I don't remember any portrayal of Jesus being botak... :P

Well, one thing we know for sure that the movie is really spot on. In the poster it said, "Witness the moment that will change our world". When Cross-Man comes again it is really gonna be that.

Movie Mayhem with God Part 4: The Lost Bladesman

This is the most current movie I've watched in threatres. Yup, the lead is none other than a revered historical figure in China, 关云长 a.k.a. 关公. Amongst so many numerous positive Chinese historical figures, he is one of the few who is able to be elevated to the status of a deity and worshipped (Confucius and 岳飞 being the only others I can think of for the time being), one would wonder why?

I'm not sure for other cultures, but I think our Chinese ancestors end up worshipping not really the historical characters per se, but more of their dedication in upholding certain universal virtues we hold so dear, even in the time of extreme adversity. Thus, I'll delve a bit into the plot of the movie. However I must emphasise, the movie is heavily fictionalised (of course for commercial and time constraint reasons of using film as the medium).

In the movie, the character undergoes a sort of trial not unlike Jesus' temptation by Satan in the desert for 40 days. He is sent by his god-brother cum ruler 刘备 on a rescue mission to the enemy side led by 曹操, who has held his god-brother's wife hostage. To his horror however, in this trip, some of the beliefs and values which he holds close are shaken.

Brotherhood & Loyalty- 曹操 knowing 关云长 has suppressed love and admiration for his god-brother's wife tempts his into defection by promising him to bethroth her to him.

Compassion for the people - 曹操 brings 关云长 around his kingdom, showing how he has provided the people under him with a relatively peaceful life with needs fulfiled, thus drilling in 关云长 the doubt of whether the ends justify the means, and is there really a need for a ruler who has a legitimate mandate as long as the people's needs are met.

Justice - 关云长 is waylaid on the way to rescue his god-brother's wife, by a certain town's general who is sent to stop him at whatever cost. That general exhibits compassion for his citizens evacuating them before 关云长 arrival. After the battle, the general asks 关云长 to promise to spare his township citizens. To 关云长's horror, the citizens want to fight him to death as they are grieved by the death of their general. Upon the arrival of 曹操, they are executed for inappropriate behaviour as 曹操 still wishes to sway 关云长. 关云长ends up feeling guilty for causing the deaths of these innocent lives.


During one of the extreme moments of temptation, 曹操 blasted 关云长 for his "blind" faith, saying "When you and I are long dead, you will be revered and worshipped, whereas I will be condemmed in history. However, those who do this are either fools like you, or people who wish to make use of fools like you". 曹操 also questions 关云长 whether he has ever had selfish desires to come into his own, saying he would provide him with all the power and authority, as long as he defected. Of course the movie is does not deviate from history and 关云长 finally emerges out of the trials, even more resolved to serve his god-brother. However even the historical fate of 关云长 resounds of many of Christ's disciples too...

After thr battle of Red Cliff, the three Kingdom era was officially established with 魏under 曹操、蜀under 刘备 and 吴under 孙权. Though 蜀&吴 kingdoms had forged an alliance in order to defeat 曹操 during the battle of Red Cliff, their alliance had been rocky, beset with suspicion of each other and internal rivalry. This eventually led the 吴ruler 孙权to approach 曹操 to do a joint surprise siege on a city guarded by 关云长 unawares. Eventually, the entire city was massacred, with 关云长 tragicly killed with his head decapitated with 曹操's side, while his body remained with the 吴 people who falsely claimed that they had rushed to assist but were too late. However this was just an opening to more mayhem as 曹操 used this event to openly crumble the 蜀吴alliance, through organising a state funeral in memory of 关云长, exposing the hypocrisy of all the 3 kingdom's rulers. Both the opening and closing of the film, which shows that funeral, 曹操 shows extreme respect for 关云长, wistfully saying that 关云长 had the potential to be a wolf, but he instead choose to be a lamb in wolf's clothing. He then remarks that all those involved in the politics of that era, 刘备、孙权、诸葛亮 were hypocrites, actually wolves in sheeps clothings, making use of 关云长 as a mere chess pawn. Then one of his officials questioned him "What about you, sir?" and 曹操 replied succintly "I never claimed I wasn't one", while wiping a tear but slowly turning a give a sly look.

Seems to end tragically at first glance but on second thought maybe not. The Chinese word 关云长 is always associated with is 义, meaning "loyalty and faith". In the ancient manuscript, the word 义 is written such that it actually comprises two characters symbols, 羊 (lamb) on top and 我 (me) on the bottom (the ancient manuscript of the word can be seen in the movie poster's background). Looking at it historically seems like the concept of having faith in one's beliefs means sacrificng one's own offering lamb (discard and sacrifice one's selfish desires ) in honour of God... For us Christians, we do not worship the first disciples per se, but we do honour them for their faith in sticking with their belief in Christ right till the end, and thus we too must emulate them, though we do it for praise from God, not human praise. Just as 关云长 kept reiterating in the film that he has no desire to become a hero and just wishes for peace for all through legitimate means, we believers just wish to serve the only true God. Amen.

for they loved human praise more than praise from God
John 12:43 (NIV)

Such a person's praise is not from other people, but from God.
Romans 2:29 (NIV)

We are not looking for praise from people, not from you or anyone else
1 Thessalonians 2:6 (NIV)

Movie Mayhem with God Part 3: Source Code

Finally a secular movie with God's positive wisdom! Though one tiny reason why I love this movie so, is that the lead actor Jake Gyllenhaal is a hunk... :P

Ok, back to the movie plot itself.
The lead "wakes up to find himself in the body of somebody else and finds out he is part of a mission to find the culprit of a certain train bombing". Sounds simple enough. Ah, when the time factor comes in, the poor lead, and us audience start to have a headache. Turns out that he is sort of "reliving the final 8 minutes of a certain victim in the train bombing."

Thus the initial action thriller part of the movie focuses on the lead trying to first find where the bomb on the train is, which passenger is the culprit and most importantly where this culprit has stashed his hide of another bigger amount of weapons for an even worse large scale bombing.

Then eventually the movie veers into the more philosophical, theological and emotional realm where the lead struggles with the concept of the mission. According to his superiors, the mission is solely to stop a future bombing. The 1st train bombing is considered past and irreversible. The leader however is unwilling to resign to this success alone. He hopes to prevent that "past bombing" since he is reliving that particular 8 minutes repeatedly and he has something for all the other innocent victims in that bombing (of course especially inclusive of an certain attractive spunky female lead). For the lead, the concept of events and time are not linear but could be parallel. He deduces and argues with one of the personnels in charge of the mission, that the future prevented 2nd bombing could have been a sort of "past event", thus justifying his rationale to give it a shot at remedying the 1st bombing. Ok, I'll leave the ending for you to find out when you head towards the theatres (please go soon, I don't think it will survive past next wednesday as it has run for more than 2 months).

The message from God in this movie is not so much of us being saviours like the lead to correct and remedy future and even past mistakes. Note that in the movie, the lead is a helicopter pilot in the US war on Afghan. He was selected for the special mission, as his life threatening injuries from the war matched closely that of that other victim in the 1st train bombing, thus the team "implanted his consciouness in to that 8 miniutes of parallel time of the victim before death".
We too have been chosen by God to be heroes in our own way, to serve in His mission.

As for time factor wise, I've no scientific background in the concept of time though I do have some inkling that Einstein did propose that time as we know it is actually dependant on the speed of light. Thus if the speed of light where altered, theoretically we go back/forward in time.
Looking in this light (literally and metaphorically), the 2nd coming of Christ may really be totally beyond human comprehension.

The main commander general and coordinator of The ultimate rescue mission is God, we believers are but soldiers chosen for our individual talent, skill, ability (as represented by the lead's injuries) to effect a tiny part of this grand mission. However, we must also never look down on the task we are entrusted with. This is partly mirrored by metaphorsis of the attitude of the lead in the movie.

In the initially "trial runs" of the 8 miniutes, the lead is clearly frustrated by his lack of knowledge of the mission and adopts a "get it over and done with" attitude. Later when he gets over the frustration, he is furious towards for culprit of the the 1st bombing and the 2nd plot. He also even harbours resentment towards the mission leaders who selected him, for not letting his body die naturally and thus leaving him conscious of his separation from his father. Later on nearing the climax, he develops a sense of attachment for all the victims in the 1st bombing and pleads with one of the chiefs in the project to let him try reversing the past, even though he knows that this may endanger the actual him's chances of survival.

During our walk with Chirst, a similar series of that replay occur along the way. We get frustrated with the seemingly impossible teachings of Christ we have to uphold and want to "get it over and done with". Other times we believers harbour anger both towards others (sinners, fellow believers and even God himself), thinking they are making our walk difficult, separating us from God! However each significant stage of our walk with God comes when we sacrifice some selfish desire to place of what God deems as a greater good.

In conclusion, let us perserve on in our walk with Him, for eventually "all things will be made good again through His ways".

For the perserving believer
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7

In praise of God's ultimate mission
For the old order of things has passed away. He who is seated on the throne said "I am making everything new"
Revelations 21:4-5

I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.
Revelations 22:12

Movie Mayhem with God Part 2: The Black Swan

Another movie showing God's wisdom and truth like 告白, and sadly also a cautionary one.

The protaganist of The Black Swan is a ballerina (Natalie Portman's character) obssessed with attaining perfection for both the roles of the White Swan and the Black Swan in the Swan Lake dance.

Her diligence for striving for perfection in mastering both roles eventually drives her into paranoia (her view on a fellow ballerina who seems perfect for the black swan role mutates from sheer petty rivalry into envy and hatred). This then consumes the orginally "innocent White Swan" of her. However in the desperate self-effort to reconcile both sides of her, she goes into self mutilation, homosexual fantascies. However as the self-effort at reconcilation backfires, driving her opposite sides further apart, she finally "snaps and ends up killing herself".

A bit scared after watching the movie. This feeling I had after watching it was of fear and horror, as opposed to heavy-ladenness when watching 告白. Maybe it was because I had watched the movie when I was in the full eye of the storm turmoil with my ex-boss and ex-supervisor at my previous company then.

Part of my mental pysche was veering into Black Swan mode full speed ahead. Nasty, evil and even downright malicious thoughts against my supervisor festered continuously in my mind due to the immense stress I was under. This vicious cycle took a heavy emotional and spiritual toil on me then. Thankfully God stepped in the nick of time with an act of what seems like a disaster to me then, but was in effect a miracle.

That has been put behind, though not forgotten. The cautionary tale of this movie is more of when we rely on self effort in defining and striving for what we think is right versus wrong, we unknowingly get sucked into the confusion where eventually our faith in God dies, and we too die.

Can anyone teach knowledge to God, since even He judges the highest?
Job 21:22

The unbearable weight of not forgiving

For all who are struggling with the issue of why forgiveness is absolutely necessary, I highly recommend "Confessions" . I won't mention any specific spoilers to the show as I hope you all will watch it but I will still give a brief description of the movie's theme.

Due to the main character's motive, a horrifyingly wilful and selfish action of his sparks off a series of chain reactions with the other characters involved. However due to the inability of any of the characters involved in the movie to forgive one another, everyone ends up in "living hell" The concluding part of the movie depicts the main character's visualisation of what hell for him is and it is indeed his "press of the button" that triggered it. (Watch the movie to fully understand what I mean as it can be taken both literally and metaphorically.) I was very impacted after the movie due to its dark theme and felt quite heavy as I walked out of the cinema. It is a cautionary tale to me on how revenge can come full circle back to us when we fail to forgive. When we forgive others, we not just make it better for them, we actually make it better for ourselves. Amen.

Do not take revenge, but leave room for God's wrath. For it is written: "It is mine to avenge, I will repay" says the Lord.
Romans 12:19

Do not say "I will pay you back for this wrong" Wait for the Lord, and he will avenge you.
Proverbs 20:22

For if you forgive other people who sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:14-15

RE: Lost & Found

Have you ever thought you lost something very precious given to you by Him, but in the midst of trying to survive busyness/turmoil, thought it was gone forever?

This morning I went out doing some volunteering service with a close friend cum mentor of mine. While on the way back from lunch, there was a slight drizzle and in our haste to get back, I offered my umbrella for the both of us as she doesn't have the habit of bringing one out.
Upon reaching home, I just absentmindedly sunned my umbrella, kept my bag and went on with other business. Upon packing my stuff for tomorrow did I realise I still have the umbrella but I couldn't find the cover. To keep this incident short, I was basically Oscar the Grouch for the next 15 minutes.

Some people may just wonder, aiyo just a cover that goes with the umbrella, big deal. Even though this umbrella does have some puny sentimental value to me (I bought it on a girls' holiday with some close khakis to Taiwan last June), the very logical side of me more than agrees with this. However I think I need to bring in the context of what I've been through. Not wanting to bad-mouth anyone, I think those few of you who keep up with my blog know that for this past week, it was kind of a mini-Japan disaster for my career. To summarise it in as objective tone as possible, everyone was responsible for it happening, it just needed a quake to iginte. Anyway, using the symbolism of what I used in the previous posting, I'm now on a new piece of dry land. Completely different terrain altogether, of course freaked out. However, somehow part of me which I valued has changed, or at least I thought.

Thus when I couldn't find the cover, I was a bit 借题发挥. Frankly I thought though I had survived the disaster, part of some things that He had ingrained in me so much were now eroded to a point of no return. Luckily He managed to calm me down and I did manage to find the cover. Turns out that during the hurry to move the plastic bag containing to umbrella to my workplace bag, I had left the cover in the casual use bag.

Basically, He's telling me part of what I give you and you value, when you go through a rough patch and in your attempt to survive you think it is gone forever, no! I have actually kept it in a place safe and sound for you. Sometimes it may be your absentmindedness that makes you panic and think you lost it. If its meant to be part of the package, He will make sure I will never lose it. Amen!

2 Corinthian 4:16
Therefore do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

2 John 1:8
Watch out you do not lose what we have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully.

Tsunami & Meltdown

First to the victims in Japan. God bless you. Secondly I ask for yours and God's permission to use what is happening now as an analogy for me. I know what is happening to me now is miniscule to yours. Precisely the reason I wish to obtain consent. May God bless you.

My earthquake had been germinating for a while since last August. I had thought I had mastered the skills of emerging unscathed since my first "natural disaster" 3 years ago. So foolish of me.

The epi-centre of my structure had been shifting slowly but surely. I had tried very hard to make sure my structure would weather any condition it may come. Things included going for courses in the support structure for base of earthquake resistant buildings, engaging in rehearsal drills.

The first major shaking occured in late last year I think. Hurriedly, I tried to get more flexible support bases for my structure.

The next major vibration came during January, this time a wave came crashing to my building. The first crack had emerged. I quickly took up wall patching classes and tried to get superb builders to assist. However, the more I took to mending, more cracks appeared. The builders were so caught up in assisting me, they neglected their own strcutures. A voice told me, quickly grab the wooden cross.

The major quake came on 5 March 2011. As waves came crashing down, I scrambled for dry land to the hill top with the wooden cross. I was partly immersed in water up till waist down but I still did not know what else to do. Since I had learnt to swim since young, I paddled as much as possible. However I had forgotten I had epilepsy and that if I panicked in water, I may have a seizure and that would be the end. Thus the water actually rose because I was making a sub-conscious effort to swim back to my structure. I could see the nuclear reactor energy source for my structure rumbling.

Finally on 14 March 2011, the nuclear reactor that had been supplying all the energy for my structure for the past 3 years exploded, destroying the structure I had pain-stakingly been building for the past 3 years. As I looked back and wanted to desperately swim back in agony, a voice told me, if you swim back, you will come into radiation and could die. Worse, you will definitely spread the radiation to the kind-hearted souls who will pick you up later in their helicopter. Now just cling onto that wooden cross and float. It is your personal Noah's ark. You will reach dry land eventually. Just wait for the dove you sent out returning with the twig, and then the rainbow.

Especially to the auntie I saw in HK last saturday. You are the first dove I sent out. I will wait for you to return with the twig. Thanks!
To the 60-year Japanese uncle who had learnt to just float as the waves washed you out, thank you for teaching me to just float and wait for rescue.
To the dear souls who are now looking out high and low for me, thanks! I will continue to float and wait.
Finally to the wooden cross, thanks for keeping me afloat.

Genesis 6-9:17

The Written Word

Today's post is more of a lament. There is no grudge, anger, hatred against anyone, just sadness.
For those few book lovers out there, I'm sure you are aware that yet another bookstore in Singapore has fallen. This time it is the giant Borders. For me, I've grown up with this passion for books. By that I do not just mean the actual contents of what is written. The way in which the ideas and concepts of the author are out into creative using the awesome tool of language never ceases to amaze me.

However, never neglect the painstaking effort put in by the publishers to design the cover of the book. As we know that in relationships, no matter how people vehemently deny, appearances play a major factor. Thus the aesthetics of a book serves this purpose too. A beautifully designed book may actually lead an avid book lover to explore new genres/authors they otherwise would have never encountered. This is especially essential for budding future book lovers.

Another similarly immense task is that of those who have to condense the book's essense into a riveting summary, be it brief glimpse of an enthralling plot while not revealing to many spoilers, to grab the potential reader's attention. This concept works similar to that of watching the trailers of up and coming blockbusters of the cinema's next season.

I am forever grateful to my parents, especially my father, who cultivated within me the furvour for books. Without his constant trips with me to the AMK and TP national libraries, I would never have been able to view books for the treasures they are.

To end off, the predecessing written word, the Bible, is also a book. Without it all books would have never come to be. Thus, the demise of books as they are, may actually forebode something to come... However, tonight I will just give thanks to God for the Written Word, and all its other descendants. I will always remember how many re-tries it took for me to finally finish reading the Written Word back to back.

I received my first copy of the Bible during primary 6 from my father. Then I had tried to read it, thinking it was no more than "like a mythology collection". I didn't get to the end of Exodus. With the coming years I always tried but never completed it. It was only in the year which I got baptised was I able to complete all of it, though I had amateur understanding. Now I do re-readings of some otherwise verses which I though I had fully comprehended and gain new insight. God's wisdom will always be revealed through the Written Word, which will in turn influence descendants to produce works of a similar kind to praise Him.

May the conductor (God's Written Word) guide all other instruments of the orchestra (books written by other authors, be it consciously or unconsciously influenced by his Word as we are all his children) to perform heavenly music to the audience's ears (the readers). Amen!

The "Slap"

Ah... There was a book I bought last year of this title but I haven't had the time to read it yet. Lent it to my sister though. She felt that though the concept of the book was not bad, the overall effect didn't really live up to her expectation.

Ok, here's it coming. Praise to God that for work and family wise everything has proceeded on smooth, albeit me coming down with a nasty cough on tuesday night. Pray to God I recover soon so no one else gets it.

However with regard to a certain matter, things really went sour. I won't give too much details as I do not want to offend her, but this incident basically resulted in us no longer being friends, not even aquantainces. Of course for me I hope it will never ever result in us being enemies which is why I am writing this now to pray for God to give me wisdom and tact to proceed on further if things get really nasty.

Just a very short reflection of the incident on my part:

I have previously been very very confused about the concept of God answering our prayers and the issue of needs vs. wants, as we all know that famous verse which I will quote later at the end of the blog. Through this incident, I give praise to Him that He has finally revealed it to me very very clearly. In this world, what is a need/want to us is subjective as everyone's value judgements are different, thus no human being is capable of being totally just in appropriate what is a need/want to someone else. Throughout this incident, I have been brash and made errors on my part, of which I have to bear consequences. However, He has guided me through in a damage-control way, by providing me with family and friends who have given me wise counsel and advice as well as healthy moral support. From this I have seen what are the wants He has desired and bestowed me and I really thank Him for them. May you continue to bless them.

Praise be to God. Amen!

"Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find"
Matthew 7:7, Luke 11:9

"For I know the plans I have for you.. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "

Jeremiah 29:11

Virtue in the phrase "By virtue"

I'm taking a hiatus off my original topic for another topic which has really bothered me for the past 2-3 months. I'll admit it, it was so bad that it really seriously threathened my faith in Him...

Working life has always been a vey touchy issue for me, it ranks so high that it usurps that of my worries over my family, not getting a boyfriend, etc... This is due to my personal trial 5-6 years ago when battling unemployment. Thankfully it was this unemployment drought that had brought me to Him and made me accept Him as personal Lord and Saviour. That's the upside.
However the downside is, even though I am in a fairly stable post in my current workplace, the insecurity lies low, like a zombie coming out to haunt me every now and then when something crops up.

In the previous 4-5 months, I had have a change of management in my department. Things didn't turn sour between my new supevsior and me immediately. However it sort of "germinated" slowly... There were (and still are) some issues that I have with some reforms/duty allocation she has implemented, as from my experiences learnt from my former supervisor (now a dear friend and mentor of mine), I know that these implementations will turn out to be contentious in our department, and even problematic.
However it didn't help that I wasn't able to make my POV known to my supervisor in a calm manner. Thus from then on my relationship with her has gotten very rocky and has even affected the dynamics of the whole department. (A bit of a clarification: ever since her entry, the entire dynamics of our department team has soured into a kind of clique forming, alignment-switching to and fro which really irks me).

I had spoken to many people in the workplace about it, the HR Manager, another close colleague in an unrelated department, my ex-supervisor now mentor, another close mentor. I was so frustrated with how (at least this was how I viewed) someone who openly espouses Christ-like values, does some things in very un-Christ-like manner. I was wondering where God had "gone on holiday to"...

Things sort of erupted over last friday into today. Last friday each member of the department was called in to have a 1to1 talk with her alone. For me, I preferred having everyone "thrash things out in the face of each other", so that we could resolve things once and for all... Seems to be naivete on my part as it didn't materialise... But the far worse thing happened today when we 3 department staff received a joint warning email from the Big Head...

Frankly, I was (and still am) very offended over some terms used in the email. To me, the situation depicted by our sup to the BH wasn't very accurate, as our BH hasn't heard our side of the story, and she immediately used very nasty terms to describe our work performance/attitude in the email. I felt (and still feel) that these are urgent essential issues that require immediate attention or else it will be to the detriment of the entire organisation.
When I read the email I was so upset that I had to find a corner to let out my frustration to Him. However thankfully my supervisor wasn't around today during the sending of the email or there might have been a very nasty confrontation between us two. Through His prompting, I immdiately got my 2 mentors and the close colleague to pray for spiritual and emotional strength, afterwhich I went through the email carefully, tactfully composing out in point form some of the areas I wish to address, before going in to speak to the HR Manager.
In case you're wondering, no, there wasn't any instantaneous quick fix but I at least put the argument out in a calm and convincing manner to someone of a certain amount of authority so that they will at least come to attention that what is amiss here does not lie totally with us 3 department staff. Anyway that's besides the point.

As my ex-supervisor now mentor was very concerned for me, we met up after work to have a heart-to-heart talk. After hearing me out, she basically summarised what she felt was the crux of the issue where it related to me:
1. Since I can proudly say I have fulfiled all my allocated work duties responsibly within my time frame, I have no need to feel frustration/burden over the negative assessment of our department by the current supervisor and the BH. It is simply not within my control.
2. The animosity between my supervisor and me is a case of my lack of respect and her lack of trust... Which is the chicken/egg is not the issue here. As my mentor put it simply "You can dislike her character/ways, etc, but respect the position she is in". This mirrors the phrase used by the HR Manager when I feedbacked my frustration when it was germinating in the initial stage. She had then put it very politely but bluntly that "though my views are valid, I must follow the orders, by virtue that she is my supervisor".

I think then I had been very upset and would snort whenever I thought of the term "by virtue".
It smacked of irony when I analysed that the implementations and the supervisor's way of carrying them out showed no "virtue" at all. Upon reflecting and praying to Him, I've come to see the phrase in God's light. The judging of my supervisor/her ways/character, I will leave to Him as I too know I myself am imperfect.

BUT....in the phrase of "by virtue", the virtue that is in the phrase is what God is wanting to germinate in me! Put simply, this is an opportunity that God has given me to further cultivate the fruit of the Spirit. Just in church service last Sunday, the Pastor mention one quote which hit me.
"When you ask God for something, God give you opportunities to get it. The rest is up to you. When you ask God for love, he gives you the chance to show love; when you pray to Him for patience, he challenges you with instances for excersing patience and so on".

What behaviour/ways are that of others do not matter. What matters is that I do not miss this golden opportunity of letting God's fruit grow better. Amen.

"Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free."
Romans 6:7-8