Word Play 9: 骂人法则123

今天又在做工时被气坏了，甚至气得没能力喘口气。Literally angry till out of breath, such that during the entire incident, I was unable to reply anything else other than "I did not XYZ." Thankfully now I'm back in front of my computer again, catching my breath back, together with a prescription of TCM medication from 中华 Free Clinic to 降火, as it seems like I'm suffering from a bout of physical heatiness too.

I was reflecting on today's incident, which led me to wonder about the concept of scolding, aka 骂人. Being drained as I am of energy now, I have no intention of scolding anyone, especially on today (Holy Thursday, eve of Good Friday). Simply pondering over a common phrase which many blurt out in heated moments, the “你去死啊！” or "You go and die/f*** yourself!"

For most scenarios, this phrase serves no concrete purpose, to both the one scolding and the one being scolded. Let me go explain it from both sides.

1. The one scolding

This scolding is actually a half complete sentence, the full version being “我要你去死啊！” or "I want you to go and die/f*** yourself!" However, now think upon it, what specific action verb applies for the “我” or "I" in this sentence... Sad to say, nothing at all. In fact, the action verb that applies to “我” or "I" here is merely “要” or "want". Wants are merely desires, some attainable within our capacity, some mission impossible. In the context of this phrase, I think the chances of us attaining what we desire when we blurt out the phrase are very very slim indeed...

2. The one being scolded

When the interchange of words has come to this extent, it no longer deserves being classified as mere feedback. Thus, the receptivity of the one being scolded is definitely not very high. Even under any circumstances, the receptivity of anybody to the phrase would be zilch. If I were the one being verbally whacked by this phrase but being in a calm mood, I'd remark to myself how hilarious the phrase is, as the one scolding me is totally helpless at substantiating what grounds am I to oblige and accede to this request. Tsk, tsk. :p

I've indulged in inward cursing of this sort often, but now I've realised the futility of it. Not that scolding is fruitless. In fact, it was through the harsh scoldings by many mentors, was I able to get rid of many bad habits and mindsets of mine.

During silent retreat last week, a constant point that God had wanted me to consider properly was what I wanted for myself. Applying it to the context of scoldings and quarrels in heated moments, I think the best method to scold would be to ensure that the “我” or "I" has a specific action verb. All else is actually secondary. Thus, next time I'll curse inwardly “你这TMD王八蛋！我更要活得好好的！” or "I'll survive and prosper all the more, as you're such an arsehole!"

I don't read Sun Tzi's "Art of Warfare"!

This is my first in another blog series. Having soaked myself in the workplace coming to 7 years now, sometimes floating with ease, sometimes at the brink of drowning, other times wading in murky waters, I think it is time to write a blog specifically about the ideologies, philosophies in the workplace. I’m not super experienced. These are just random musings of my own. I’ll take it as a “letters to God and fellow friends” of sorts to share about. All are free to input and feedback. I will do my utmost to refrain from personal attacks on particular people, organisations, nationalities. This is where I appeal to you my reader audience to act as a “co-pilot”, slapping me awake lest I start going into that forbidden zone. Thank you! :)

Today’s topic will touch on the rationale behind the title of my blog. I don’t remember when people started officially associating workplace with warfare. I suppose the roots behind the term “everyday is a battle” are hard to trace. However, when people started openly recommending reading Sun Tzi’s “Art of Warfare” to apply in the workplace context, I started becoming unsettled. Pardon me but it is really too “in your face”. Must we really sink to this “I want the life jackets, all of them for me”, while depriving others. Do we really have so little faith that there aren’t enough to go around? Too bad that under situations of stress, I too tend to slip into this mode, sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously.

Here then we trace the ends for justifying the use of warfare. Historically, warfare is engaged only in situation when a party feels that its survival is threatened. At least that is what the party which initiates the war openly claims. Let us then look at the end results of war. There will always emerge a “winner versus loser” situation, at least in the open. A certain party has to concede defeat before the other can outright claim victory.

However no matter what, there in fact is no concept of absolute victory in any war. No matter what weapons, strategies are employed, livelihoods are disrupted, and lives will be lost. I’d rather term it as “relative victory”. This would mean a “my damages are less than yours” point of view.

I’m no “make love not war” hippy though. Just imagine if UK and USSR hadn’t finally “woke up” after Hitler moved in Poland; US hadn’t stepped in after Pearl Harbour. The question then is more of a “when” rather than a “yes or no”.

Now, we relate it back to the workplace, where my argument then comes in. For the workplace, if we employ warfare strategy, we are employing a mentality which is to vanquish the opponent at all costs, such that they do not even survive… Is it necessary? Must we be on such an offensive mode all the time? Do we need to be so merciless? Are we under such a grave threat that we have no assurance that any being is able to provide for us anymore?

Some people argue that they are employing warfare methods at work for defense purposes. Then my rationale is this: no matter which term you use for justifying your reasons for warfare, be it offense or defense, you already have the mentality of not sparing your opponent. The opponent is left with no escape and ends up dead or a prisoner. Of course when this is applied in the workplace, the outcome is displayed on a psychological rather than literal sense.

I don’t have any wonderful solution to this. I engage in this warfare too. However I detest it! I can only pray that approval and endorsement of this warfare mindset or mentality never takes root in me. I hope that it never takes root in you too. Using the analogy of a farmer, this mindset is a weed which I'm constantly uprooting daily. Always pray for wisdom to identity whether the situation is a potential Poland or Pearl Harbour in our workplace, such that it warrants us to finally engage this mindset.