Perfect job??

Lately the articles written have all been with a very critical and bitter edge. Thank God I realised how I was mutating and decided to put a stop to it once and for all. Will do my utmost to make this one a pleasant one of thanksgiving.

Some khakis and mentors have pondered and still do to this day why I wish to stay in the VWO sector and work, despite its lack of perks. Ok, I'll be very frank, initially I had no love for this sector at all. Nada, nyan, nyet, zilch. It was because of sheer desperation, due to my previous condition, where I was unable to be accepted in any other jobs with my qualifications. Was at the point of almost hopelessness when the offer came. And during the process of my first three years in my first VWO, I learnt and grew.

I learnt how brattish and cocky I was, always thinking I was king of the world, when some of my plans were very outright junvenile with no clear concept of what I was getting at. I was just doing for the sake of doing.

I learnt how lazy I was with lack of initiative to do follow up on many tasks, which I always assumed to be other's responsibility.

I learnt how unreasonable some of my demands were, as if I owned the workplace and other colleagues needed to kowtow to my every need and whim.

Slowly I learnt to appreciate the beauty of the VWO sector, though my appreciation of it in the initial two years were fairly shallow. I had this "I only love what I like from it", not it as a whole. Then, the butting out happened. During the first three months, still harboured bitterness towards the upper echleons who made the decision. Felt that I had already made improvements to myself, throughout the process which led to my resignation I had fulfiled my duties it seemed, was always questioning to myself what the heck was wrong with them. I forgot to also ask myself what the heck was wrong with myself, thinking I always knew best.

Turns out in devotion to getting the issue or duty tackled, I was on the correct track. I had picked up the virtues of initiative, commitment, responsibility along the way for my past three years there. I had yet to pick up the virtues of patience, empathy, forgiveness and peace. God then had to come in to give me a wakeup call.

No matter which workplace you are in, it will never be perfect. There will always be flaws present, as it comprises of human beings. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. However I need to remind myself that we are made in the image of God too. I must keep the constant lookout of God in that place where I am. In God's eyes, I am just the same as them, no better, no worse, but most importantly we are loved all the same.

Been reflecting this week and really thankful God has placed me back in the VWO sector again for the past three months, though this time another charity. I would now proudly declare that yes, I am in love with my job. Yes, I get very stressed up by its many aspects which make me want to throw in the towel very badly. However, I always remember that it loved me first. It opened my eyes up to a lot of things many may take for granted. I really cannot use words to describe it.

During the previous two months of intense stress where I had really considered leaving, some of my current colleagues have advised me to either "just treat this as a job" or "if you really feel so miserable, then leave". Previously in other scenarios, my parents have always told me not to do comparison with my siblings and peers for fear of envy mounting in me. I am still tackling this deadly sin daily. It is a constant battle but I thank God for having increased my prowess against it. However here comes the bombshell. When it comes to thanksgiving of what I have been blessed with, I need to compare myself with others.

I know some Christians do not like to use that term due to its negative connotation. For this, I have come to laugh at myself. The competitive streak in there will not disppear till the day of disciplehood on earth is complete. Why not use it towards the glorification of God?

Finally today I realised why despite all the frustration and agony of being in the teaching line for so long, my father has always stayed put. After the initial anger and disappointment with what you see, you calm down and reflect and then you realise that God is still there. Personally I dislike using the term "just treat this as a job", because my own interpretation is that it smacks of irresponsibility, something which I have come to abhor as it was grossly present within me in the initial years. I then remind myself, this is my interpretation of the term. Who am I to be so sure that when others "treat it as a job", there is no element of devotion to the cause? It is more of a difference in phrasing. Maybe what they have been advising me, was to inject the element of empathy, understanding and forgiveness. I really need to just look back and laugh, praying to God that we all have learnt along the way.

If it comes to the second phrase pertaining to level of misery, then my answer would be the joy definitely overcomes the misery. This is where I do the comparison act. I compare the amount of joy God has blessed me in this current job, compared to amount of misery the evil one has tried to inflict upon me to make me stray. Then the answer becomes very clear cut and point blank. No need to doubt God's plans anymore.

I'm not writing off the beauty of other workfields. It is just that God has not granted me to the ability to view them in the light I view mine. I can always do worrying and grumbling about the imperfections of the VWO field, but I must always remember to pray for it. Afterall, it loved me first.

Attahed is above is the flipchart of a presentation I had made at NVPC around 12 weeks ago. I need to constantly remind myself with the flipchart of how clear headed I was then surprisingly. What matters is not who starts the dynamo. It is just to keep the dynamo running.