Word Play 7: I / Me ≠ He / She / They / Them

I believe that a very common grouse which arises whenever one encounters an experience of being misquoted and misrepresented, or to put it in a more blunt manner, backstabbed, is the notion of “how could he/she/they do this? I have never [nasty deed] them.” Sad to say, I used to think along the lines of this logic very frequently. In fact, only now do I understand the flaw behind this logic, and thus realize that many of my frustrations had been unfounded.

The entire premise of this logic is that the deeds are reciprocal. If one party does an act of service or disservice to the other, the other will then justifiably reciprocate in a corresponding manner. In fact, there is an unspoken mutual agreement between both parties, that they treat each others as equals of sorts with respect! Regrettably, this is not necessarily true for most cases… If the other party chooses not to view you with that corresponding amount of due respect, you are completely powerless to alter the way they intend to treat you. Even if you are able to understand their rationale for choosing to treat you in a certain way, the choice of whether they will continue, will still lie in their hands and not yours. That is the whole pretext of freewill. Even God does not dictate whether or not we choose to accept him as Lord and Saviour. Thus, if we are able to singlehandedly dictate the manner which others treat us, by golly, we would have surpassed God!

Last year, a very influential and senior staff in my current workplace had done me a gross disservice by severely misquoting me behind my back to my boss. I was extremely upset with the act, and had been wallowing in the “I never did anything to you, why you do this to me” argument nonstop, even carrying this unnecessary baggage back home. My father had been so irritated by this reaction of mine, that he had simply rebutted me harshly, “Don’t you get it? It was never about you. It’s them! What makes you think you're of such great importance?! So stop it.” I had not gotten my father’s rationale then, but thankfully now I have.

Thus whenever this situation occurs, as it did yesterday afternoon with the same staff again, I was markedly cooler and calmer in dealing with the situation. However, I have one additional point to make. Acceptance of others’ freewill to act in a certain manner, does not equate to agreement to emulate and act in accordance to the manner they do. Thus, I am very pleased and grateful that God has still endowed me with the freewill not to follow those colleagues’ ways. Amen!

No "con"dor fairytales please... :p

Finally, I can start my favourite series from maestro 金庸Louis Cha’s Condor Heroes series. I’ll go into an even more in-depth analysis of the third and final installment from this series, 倚天屠龙记 Heavenly Blade and Dragon Sabre, in my next blog entry, choosing to concentrate on the first two today. It was these two Louis cha classics that had gotten me immersed in the genre of swordfighting pugilistic novels. Now at an older age, I still love these two staples, though in retrospect with age, my feelings towards them have changed drastically, especially their romance plots.

射雕英雄传 Legend of the Condor Heroes

Basically there are two main romance plots running parallel, the first being between 郭靖 and 黄蓉, the second between 杨康 and 穆念慈. During my younger days, I was besotted with the 郭黄 romance, because of its simplicity and straightforwardness, whereas I had neglected the 杨穆 romance plot. Yes, there was a Mongolian Princess in the picture as a “third party” obstacle of sorts, but frankly she never posed of any threat to the romance, as the reader knew point blank that 郭靖 was merely bound by integrity to fulfill his engagement to her. However in life, sometimes romances are not that straightforward or safe ground for treading. Some of them are downright dangerous, as in the case between 杨康 and 穆念慈. Many swordfighting literature scholars have delved into the “who loves who more and first, 杨 or 穆” topic, while outright critiquing the 郭黄 romance to be a complete fairytale. Personally, I would choose not to delve into this area, because the dynamics of speed and intensity of passion within a couple simply cannot be measured in a linear manner. What leaves me in awe is that author Louis Cha, whether knowingly or not, employs the method of contrasting the complexity of the 杨穆 romance with the simplicity of the 郭黄 one, leaving this reader “mourning wistfully” of sorts for 杨康 and 穆念慈 when reading the novel again now…

神雕侠侣Return of the Condor Heroes

Frankly, I didn’t really like this one as much as the previous one even in my younger days, though I hadn’t figured out clearly why when I was younger. Now I’ve finally realised the simple reason. This novel’s romance is really a “man’s fairy tale”. We all know the typical genre of fairytales, which has the female protagonist on the run by villains, only to be rescued in the end by a dashing prince, and then living happily ever after. In the novel, main protagonist 杨过 perseveres through many challenges in having 小龙女, his teacher master, as his life partner, despite being bound by ethical norms (teacher masters are akin to parents in traditional hierarchy, thus having them as life partners would equate to incest in those times). In the process, the suave protagonist charms many other female characters, eventually leaving majority of them pining for him for the rest of their lives, or even sacrificing their life for him as in the case of a very unfortunate character 公孙绿萼.

From many literature analysis books on Louis Cha’s novels, I have gathered that Mr Cha had actually not intended to let the plot end the way it eventually did, wanting to have it close in a sadder, greyer note and with more ambiguity. Sad to say, under the pressure of overwhelming feedback for the novel when it was released in installments in 明报Ming Pao, Mr Cha then changed his mind and decided to accede to popular demand. Well, unfortunately Mr Cha did not realize he had just written the first full-scale pugilistic fairytale romance for men to indulge in. In contrast, Legend of the Condor Heroes’ 郭黄 romance seems more along the lines of Shrek…

At the risk of offending many guys, I’ve noticed recently that more and more men are having a杨过 mentality when it comes to romance, be it through my own experience or that of some female peers. As they go about their conquests in search of their 小龙女, they expect other females on their waiting list to stay pining away for them. When to their horror they realize it does not turn out this way, they are severely offended, and even display pettiness in greater magnitude than females, which is actually quite entertaining in some aspects. :p Unfortunately, most of these men fail to question themselves whether they truly have the capacity of being as suave and charming as 杨过, but yet are all too ready to take up his mindset.

In life there is unfortunately no one “all size fits all” combination. Every person is a unique individual and their dynamics with other people will differ, despite similarities and parallels. This applies for all human relationships, be it be within the family, workplace, and of course romantic relationships. What matters is that when we are maintaining these relationships, we need to pray for God’s guidance and instruction as we proceed. When looking solely at the 杨穆 romance there is eventually no need for questioning, but what brought their relationship to its conclusion was the unrepentance of 杨康 in other aspects of his life, which eventually doomed their relationship, implicating even their son 杨过 in the next novel.

Every time when I reach any point of ambiguity in my life, I need to pray hard for God’s wisdom, direction and strength, because all aspects of my life are intertwined. One can never underestimate the repercussions of one’s actions in one area, on another area, as look what happened in 杨康's case. This is all the wisdom I need to gather from the romance of the first novel. Meanwhile for the second novel, I just need to warn myself from having any female 杨过or 小龙女 mindset too. Life may be a story written by God, but it is definitely no fairytale… :p

Movie Mayhem with God Part 9: 大兵小将

Hihi, gonna torture some of my blog followers again. Personally feel more appropriate in writing the rest of this blog entry in Chinese, so please bear with me again... 最近在脸书上密切留意一位好友的近况，甚至蛮替她担忧。忽然突发灵感，为她特地写了这个 blog entry，希望她能慢慢“消化”。

这份blog entry想介绍的电影《大兵小将》，其实上映是在至少 18 个月前了，相信肯定在 DVD 商店购买得到，若没记错好像电视上可能都已经在去年圣诞或今年新春时播映了。个人对这部电影的钟爱其实在于它背后的哲理，剧情方面我则得承认有点薄弱，不够紧凑吸引人。故事内容非常简单，描述春秋时期，某即将灭亡小国的太子（王力宏所饰），带领了军队对抗仇敌，哪知途中惨遭另外第三支敌军袭击，对打时两军两败俱伤，太子被一名敌营小兵（成龙所饰）俘虏，企图将他押回国得奖赏。逃亡途中两人不停争吵，但渐渐竟然开始彼此惺惺相惜起来了。

剧中特别欣赏小兵的生活心态，他在成功擒获太子将军之后，常常会自言自语，筹措着该讨多少奖赏，来买多大的田地。戏中小兵常会最后对自己下结论：三亩田太小、不够养活全家；五亩田太大、一家人经营不来；所以四亩田刚好。羡慕其他人是人之常情，没什么好觉得过于罪恶愧疚的。但是当我们开始沉溺于羡慕，这会开始演变成嫉妒。羡慕则还好、嫉妒的狰狞可怕则是无法预测的。我自己就曾经可怕得我不想面对，现在这恶魔还时不时会出现，好费力才能镇压得住，在此非得感谢主赐予我薄力撑到现在。。。

在生活时，有时我们的嫉妒是自讨苦吃的，因为我们会主动地去拿自己的那四亩田，跟别人的五亩田相比；但又有时，在我们专心辛勤耕种时，会有些隔田的农夫们不停“提醒”我们他们那五亩田有多大，打扰我们。对于先前情况，没什么好说，两个字，活该！但后者呢？怎么办？在此想奉劝每人，更包括自己，问一下自己身为农夫的能力。若自己能力能够胜任更大的田地，自然迟早会得到更大的田地。安啦！至于那些“好心”的农夫，可能他们未必如自己所说得那么幸福，不然为何他们老是把自己田地的大小挂在嘴边。大家专心耕田吧，吃饱闲着啊！

我今天下午刚在脸书上感叹，羡慕与嫉妒只在一线一念之间，而一线一念却常常能决定一个凡人将身处天堂或地狱。我现在还在人间挣扎着，但欣慰的是看到天堂的轮廓竟然越来越清了。。。

Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.
Job 5:2 (NIV)

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.
Proverbs 14:30 (NIV)

Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Galatians 5:26 (NIV)

Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
James 3:15-16 (NIV)

Lite Talk with God

Finally an explanation behind what transpired leading to the finalised concept for this blog, I'll return to my first lover, books. In a much earlier blog entry in "Perfect Vision of God's Way" mourning Borders' demise, I already had the fuzzy impression that I'd start writing blog entries about how God's teachings are lurking in many literature reads, be them popular culture novel or classics, whatever authors from whatever genre or nationality. Surprisingly the Movie Mayhem series in that blog overtook this project and I only came to this baby of mine now, when I realised I had actually kick started it with all that bringing in of Dream of Red Mansions in this blog. Now into the real introduction.

I've finally realised I'm most point blank selfish in the way I treat books as a whole. I get severely offended when I see books misclassified or wrong shelved under the wrong category in the libraries and bookstores. Oh ya, don't get me started on dog-eared books and books being mutilated by mishandlement. I cannot recall when it started, but I'll painstakingly give any book "reconstructive surgery" within any means I can to restore it to its original beauty. However turns out this was only stage 1 of “走火入魔”.

At home, what irked me most was if anyone rearranged my book collection on my behalf without me knowing, even if out of goodwill. I definitely appreciate their kind and hard work to assist me, but I'd just be stubbornly angry and this led me into numerous brushes with my parents.

Last night during my visit to Serangoon Library, then I realised the full gravity of my obsessive love for books as a whole. I had a chronic habit of "book hoarding", which defined simply, would be to keep re-borrowing books that I'd completed reading and enjoyed greatly, sometimes just to "relive" snippets. Strictly there is no sin in this, as borrowing of books is on a first-come-first-serve basis, and since they are available on the shelves, I'm entitled to borrow them as any library member can. However, the next problem comes up, by hoarding them constantly, I reduce their availability of being picked up by any other potential readers, and this act is selfish. Others actually get deprived of the chance to enjoy what I've enjoyed. A better way of handling would have been to go down to any bookshop to get myself a copy.

This act of mine is highly similar to staple scenario in many swordfighting novels. I've had a really intense love for this genre of books, but I never realised what an important part of my life they are till this day. Thankfully reading of the Bible and other Christian books has also come into the picture, or maybe I wouldn't see any issue with book hoarding. In the pugilistic novels, there are always a group of pugilists vying for the title of the "ultimate swordman", thus they go into a "live or die" competition, which involves fighting, politicking, backstabbing over some super kungfu pugilistic manual they hoard to themselves in order to attain that status. Thankfully I know of no one who has a mindset even remotely akin of mine when it comes to hoarding of books or else... :p

Yes, I still absolutely love good reads but this selfish mindset may actually eat into other parts of my life and is unhealthy. As the conclusion of many wonderful swordfighting classics by Louis Cha go, eventually the main protagonist gets jaded with the meaninglessness of all this neck-to-neck cut-throat behaviour, and retreats to enjoy a simple life. For me I do not have to come down to such extreme behaviour and do a lifelong "reading fast". Just go buy my own private copy at Kinokuniya will do lah, got membership card mah. :p

Word Play 6: How big is your vessel, how asthmatic are you?

I was just chatting with a gal pal over the past weeks about our embroilment within office politics in our respective workplaces. When she had gotten into in-depth description of the villain at her end, who critiqued her for her cockiness, I had said the line “At least it takes talent, ability and capacity to be proud and arrogant. Meanwhile pettiness requires none of these at all. Anyone can pull it off.” She had burst out laughing in return, clearly enjoying this line. Now I’d like to look into the word “pettiness”, though I’ll not look it up from dictionary.com, but examine its Chinese translations instead… :p

The Chinese translation for pettiness is 小气 or 小器. The first one’s literal translation means “short of breath” or “asthmatic ”; while the other’s translation means “small vessel” or “small capacity”. Whichever way, pettiness is completely devoid of stamina, talent, ability or capacity. Anyone big or small, healthy or not, can pull it off with minimal effort.

Among all the seven sins, perhaps envy is the one most akin to pettiness. Envy stems from comparison of how minute, unblessed one is, relative to others. If David had held on to a “pettiness logic” mindset, Goliath would never have been defeated. Maybe when we view talent, ability, stamina and capacity, we should no longer use the worldly dimensions of quantity, length, breath, and width, we have been so accustomed to.

During last Oct when I was most tested of my ability and stamina in the workplace, a sagely concerned colleague had remarked that he noticed how out of breath and labourious my breathing had become, expressing worry over my health. This problem has left me now I’ve tided through that period. However, I’m not taking any chances and have actually signed up for a 太极 class at a community centre, to exercise particularly pertaining to regulating of my breathing. I believe this would help me greatly not only in my physical health, but also my emotional and spiritual health. God will mould the spiritual clay of my physical, emotional clay of my lungs to increase their size. Thus, I’d also like to call upon everyone to also increase your capacity for breathing, literally and figuratively in our lives. Happy breathing while living! :)

From angst with guts, to guts alone

In 《红楼梦》, when the female protagonist 林黛玉 is finally released from the bondage of her doomed love with 贾宝玉, sadly though she came free of her longing for him, she never lost her bitterness and angst even right till her final breath, after burning and destroying all memorabilia of their relationship. In contrast, this blog is my joyful celebration of release from prolonged self-imposed bondage to angst, that I had finaly let go of that detrimental "head-banging". Pardon me, but the rest of this entry will be in Chinese and will involve a heavy amount of plagiarism... :p 在此先对陈锦鸿先生 (HK TVB actor Mr Sunny Chan) 道歉，然后向他深表感激。我将在接下来“盗摘”许多您在第704期i周刊专访里的某些谈话片断，然后进行“加工”。读了您的访问之后，感触良多，真希望自己能像您一样，继续坚持着那么简单的心态。

已经迈入三十大关，很多人都惊讶我难得还能异常热血。对学习工作兴趣热血；对理念原则信仰热血；对家人朋友热血；对向往恋爱热血。这其实是因为，热爱生活。

这几年虽然工作、家庭、恋爱进展都不尽理想，自己没法接受，但环境、条件是这样，唯有想办法怎样去做好一点，在现有局限里改善自己。生活除了生存之外，还能让我发现自己，去改变自己。每个人都有缺点，我现在正积极去改善自己不够好的地方。

比如虽然工作里环境局势都是不好的，是不成理由的，但对我来说，我唯有想怎样让自己有逻辑性地继续尽做为职员的本分。有什么理由要让这里变成这种局面？但没办法，当事情发展到现阶段的时候，我唯有看我做不做得到。这样不停锻炼自己，让自己仍然觉得每天为工作岗位效劳是有意义的。

热情当然会被消磨的。我以前积极努力为了祖母，希望她看了开心，接着为了父母及妹妹们，但现在渐渐不是了。人，其实最后都还是为了自己，因为上帝除了叫我们敬爱他之外，也劝告我们得洁身自爱...

当然还介意身边的冷嘲热讽、有色眼光、歧视对待。没办法，所以唯有跟自己说要忍让谦卑。他们若要继续如此，我就让他们继续。那是他们的自由，由不得我。

在乎称赞、奖励、升职、加薪吗？当然在乎！我很想要，但若没给我，没办法。我得提醒自己，每一天都有可能是最后一天。如果有一件事发生，是令我的生命有意义、发亮的，我一定会做。

当然向往能好好谈一场恋爱，但看来我还未必能应付。既然这是我应付不来的事，上帝当然不会让我碰。其实，这是最正确的。如果我硬要逞强做我不能做的事，肯定是对自己有害的，更何况是他人。

现在最重要是让自己更加喜欢自己，更加知足。我已渐渐开始学会喜欢自己了，但必须保持住这种心态。在生活的每个角色里，我都会做出自己能力范围内的水准，我就会越来越喜欢自己。

现在会觉得自己，怪。短短一年前还在激烈控诉人生里的不公平，要替天行道，不然就臭骂上天。盗用陈锦鸿在《创世纪》里饰演的角色许文彪的经典 47 秒控诉：“我不是没试过，我试过安分守己，日博夜博，挣扎地紧握那一丁点的理念原则信仰自重，但身边那些人呀，他们懂得努力尽责懂得什么呀？他们只是付出少少的心血、时间，却用手段把生活、使命都给亵渎了，这样叫公平... 你去问人，问他们想要什么。答案很简单，只是想要好好生活！为什么他们要用一生的时间、精力去拚命？因为有奸人、贱人在耍他们呀！越奸越贱，越有得玩呀！”还好当时的我只停留在骂的阶段，但是那时的自己已经够可怕，并没有比我在批判的那些人好多少，甚至极有可能变成他们的一份子，背叛向上帝承诺要好好经营的自己...

现在竟然有一丁点释怀世界的不公平了。原来很多事，在有所谓之后，已经可以无所谓。反正还没死，上帝还要我做很多事，让我享受很多恩典呢。:p