Lite Talk with God

Finally an explanation behind what transpired leading to the finalised concept for this blog, I'll return to my first lover, books. In a much earlier blog entry in "Perfect Vision of God's Way" mourning Borders' demise, I already had the fuzzy impression that I'd start writing blog entries about how God's teachings are lurking in many literature reads, be them popular culture novel or classics, whatever authors from whatever genre or nationality. Surprisingly the Movie Mayhem series in that blog overtook this project and I only came to this baby of mine now, when I realised I had actually kick started it with all that bringing in of Dream of Red Mansions in this blog. Now into the real introduction.

I've finally realised I'm most point blank selfish in the way I treat books as a whole. I get severely offended when I see books misclassified or wrong shelved under the wrong category in the libraries and bookstores. Oh ya, don't get me started on dog-eared books and books being mutilated by mishandlement. I cannot recall when it started, but I'll painstakingly give any book "reconstructive surgery" within any means I can to restore it to its original beauty. However turns out this was only stage 1 of “走火入魔”.

At home, what irked me most was if anyone rearranged my book collection on my behalf without me knowing, even if out of goodwill. I definitely appreciate their kind and hard work to assist me, but I'd just be stubbornly angry and this led me into numerous brushes with my parents.

Last night during my visit to Serangoon Library, then I realised the full gravity of my obsessive love for books as a whole. I had a chronic habit of "book hoarding", which defined simply, would be to keep re-borrowing books that I'd completed reading and enjoyed greatly, sometimes just to "relive" snippets. Strictly there is no sin in this, as borrowing of books is on a first-come-first-serve basis, and since they are available on the shelves, I'm entitled to borrow them as any library member can. However, the next problem comes up, by hoarding them constantly, I reduce their availability of being picked up by any other potential readers, and this act is selfish. Others actually get deprived of the chance to enjoy what I've enjoyed. A better way of handling would have been to go down to any bookshop to get myself a copy.

This act of mine is highly similar to staple scenario in many swordfighting novels. I've had a really intense love for this genre of books, but I never realised what an important part of my life they are till this day. Thankfully reading of the Bible and other Christian books has also come into the picture, or maybe I wouldn't see any issue with book hoarding. In the pugilistic novels, there are always a group of pugilists vying for the title of the "ultimate swordman", thus they go into a "live or die" competition, which involves fighting, politicking, backstabbing over some super kungfu pugilistic manual they hoard to themselves in order to attain that status. Thankfully I know of no one who has a mindset even remotely akin of mine when it comes to hoarding of books or else... :p

Yes, I still absolutely love good reads but this selfish mindset may actually eat into other parts of my life and is unhealthy. As the conclusion of many wonderful swordfighting classics by Louis Cha go, eventually the main protagonist gets jaded with the meaninglessness of all this neck-to-neck cut-throat behaviour, and retreats to enjoy a simple life. For me I do not have to come down to such extreme behaviour and do a lifelong "reading fast". Just go buy my own private copy at Kinokuniya will do lah, got membership card mah. :p

Word Play 6: How big is your vessel, how asthmatic are you?

I was just chatting with a gal pal over the past weeks about our embroilment within office politics in our respective workplaces. When she had gotten into in-depth description of the villain at her end, who critiqued her for her cockiness, I had said the line “At least it takes talent, ability and capacity to be proud and arrogant. Meanwhile pettiness requires none of these at all. Anyone can pull it off.” She had burst out laughing in return, clearly enjoying this line. Now I’d like to look into the word “pettiness”, though I’ll not look it up from dictionary.com, but examine its Chinese translations instead… :p

The Chinese translation for pettiness is 小气 or 小器. The first one’s literal translation means “short of breath” or “asthmatic ”; while the other’s translation means “small vessel” or “small capacity”. Whichever way, pettiness is completely devoid of stamina, talent, ability or capacity. Anyone big or small, healthy or not, can pull it off with minimal effort.

Among all the seven sins, perhaps envy is the one most akin to pettiness. Envy stems from comparison of how minute, unblessed one is, relative to others. If David had held on to a “pettiness logic” mindset, Goliath would never have been defeated. Maybe when we view talent, ability, stamina and capacity, we should no longer use the worldly dimensions of quantity, length, breath, and width, we have been so accustomed to.

During last Oct when I was most tested of my ability and stamina in the workplace, a sagely concerned colleague had remarked that he noticed how out of breath and labourious my breathing had become, expressing worry over my health. This problem has left me now I’ve tided through that period. However, I’m not taking any chances and have actually signed up for a 太极 class at a community centre, to exercise particularly pertaining to regulating of my breathing. I believe this would help me greatly not only in my physical health, but also my emotional and spiritual health. God will mould the spiritual clay of my physical, emotional clay of my lungs to increase their size. Thus, I’d also like to call upon everyone to also increase your capacity for breathing, literally and figuratively in our lives. Happy breathing while living! :)

From angst with guts, to guts alone

In 《红楼梦》, when the female protagonist 林黛玉 is finally released from the bondage of her doomed love with 贾宝玉, sadly though she came free of her longing for him, she never lost her bitterness and angst even right till her final breath, after burning and destroying all memorabilia of their relationship. In contrast, this blog is my joyful celebration of release from prolonged self-imposed bondage to angst, that I had finaly let go of that detrimental "head-banging". Pardon me, but the rest of this entry will be in Chinese and will involve a heavy amount of plagiarism... :p 在此先对陈锦鸿先生 (HK TVB actor Mr Sunny Chan) 道歉，然后向他深表感激。我将在接下来“盗摘”许多您在第704期i周刊专访里的某些谈话片断，然后进行“加工”。读了您的访问之后，感触良多，真希望自己能像您一样，继续坚持着那么简单的心态。

已经迈入三十大关，很多人都惊讶我难得还能异常热血。对学习工作兴趣热血；对理念原则信仰热血；对家人朋友热血；对向往恋爱热血。这其实是因为，热爱生活。

这几年虽然工作、家庭、恋爱进展都不尽理想，自己没法接受，但环境、条件是这样，唯有想办法怎样去做好一点，在现有局限里改善自己。生活除了生存之外，还能让我发现自己，去改变自己。每个人都有缺点，我现在正积极去改善自己不够好的地方。

比如虽然工作里环境局势都是不好的，是不成理由的，但对我来说，我唯有想怎样让自己有逻辑性地继续尽做为职员的本分。有什么理由要让这里变成这种局面？但没办法，当事情发展到现阶段的时候，我唯有看我做不做得到。这样不停锻炼自己，让自己仍然觉得每天为工作岗位效劳是有意义的。

热情当然会被消磨的。我以前积极努力为了祖母，希望她看了开心，接着为了父母及妹妹们，但现在渐渐不是了。人，其实最后都还是为了自己，因为上帝除了叫我们敬爱他之外，也劝告我们得洁身自爱...

当然还介意身边的冷嘲热讽、有色眼光、歧视对待。没办法，所以唯有跟自己说要忍让谦卑。他们若要继续如此，我就让他们继续。那是他们的自由，由不得我。

在乎称赞、奖励、升职、加薪吗？当然在乎！我很想要，但若没给我，没办法。我得提醒自己，每一天都有可能是最后一天。如果有一件事发生，是令我的生命有意义、发亮的，我一定会做。

当然向往能好好谈一场恋爱，但看来我还未必能应付。既然这是我应付不来的事，上帝当然不会让我碰。其实，这是最正确的。如果我硬要逞强做我不能做的事，肯定是对自己有害的，更何况是他人。

现在最重要是让自己更加喜欢自己，更加知足。我已渐渐开始学会喜欢自己了，但必须保持住这种心态。在生活的每个角色里，我都会做出自己能力范围内的水准，我就会越来越喜欢自己。

现在会觉得自己，怪。短短一年前还在激烈控诉人生里的不公平，要替天行道，不然就臭骂上天。盗用陈锦鸿在《创世纪》里饰演的角色许文彪的经典 47 秒控诉：“我不是没试过，我试过安分守己，日博夜博，挣扎地紧握那一丁点的理念原则信仰自重，但身边那些人呀，他们懂得努力尽责懂得什么呀？他们只是付出少少的心血、时间，却用手段把生活、使命都给亵渎了，这样叫公平... 你去问人，问他们想要什么。答案很简单，只是想要好好生活！为什么他们要用一生的时间、精力去拚命？因为有奸人、贱人在耍他们呀！越奸越贱，越有得玩呀！”还好当时的我只停留在骂的阶段，但是那时的自己已经够可怕，并没有比我在批判的那些人好多少，甚至极有可能变成他们的一份子，背叛向上帝承诺要好好经营的自己...

现在竟然有一丁点释怀世界的不公平了。原来很多事，在有所谓之后，已经可以无所谓。反正还没死，上帝还要我做很多事，让我享受很多恩典呢。:p

Word Play 5: Performance

It was announced in Nov last year that the decision of potential increments and promotions in my current workplace would be measured "performance-based", as opposed to the previous method of based on the number of years of service. For me, this announcement was of negligible concern, as I've only just reached my fifth month there then. Even now, the change in policy does not affect me too much. However, what intrigues me is the term "performance", which I'll like to analyse today.

From dictionary.com, below are the definitons of the words "perform" and "performance".
Perform (verb)
1. to carry out; execute; do
2. to go through or execute in the proper, customary, or established manner
3. to carry into effect; fulfill
4. to act (a play, part, etc.), as on the stage, in movies, or on television.
5. to render (music), as by playing or singing.

Performance (noun)
1. a musical, dramatic, or other entertainment presented before an audience.
2. the act of performing a ceremony, play, piece of music, etc.
3. the execution or accomplishment of work, acts, feats, etc.
4. a particular action, deed, or proceeding.
5. an action or proceeding of an unusual or spectacular kind.

Thus, when these terms are applied in the workplace context, some higly relevant and necessary components would be, the fulfilment and execution of the duties of an employee, with his superiors and colleagues as the audience.

A common grouse heard in all workplaces by staff who do not hold each other in high regard is that their opponent engages in "wayang". Wayang, is the Malay terms for "acting", which is form of performance. In fact, point 5 of performance's defintion states that it is unsual and spectacular, to summarise meaning dramatic (point 1).When have we equated dramatic to being fake, or the Chinese phrase "做作"(doing for the sake of doing), I'm unable to trace... Let us then examine the typical drama series to have an idea into "performance" and how it relates to the workplace.

A typical drama or sitcom of any genre will always consist of a few main protagonists, with other supporting cast to flesh out the script. Meanwhile, all production members trust the audience to be clear-sighted enough to take notice of not just their individual performances, but also the main plot. No matter, the age / gender / seniority of whichever member of the cast in the drama, they must never deviate from the plot and must adhere to the roles given to them, unless allowed by the scriptwriter / director / fellow members of the cast.

There are instances in many shows, were the performance of some supporting cast so outshine the leads', that it causes awkwardness between all members of the production, garnering negative press for an otherwise noteworthy show. Even more common is the case of intense rivalry between two main leads when they compete for screen time to showcase their talent at performaning, creating a headache for the director. These unfortunately are cases where the "drama of the offscreen" has ursuped the "onscreen drama". Similarly in the workplace, all staff must take care not to let "offscreen drama" trump "onscreen drama", as this would lead to mayhem in the plot. In the light of this new perspective, I'm beginning to see my boss' comment of me "creating an impression of no teamwork in the workplace" in a different light...

I'll then like to give all members serving in workplace out there a question to muse about. What's the script pertaining first and foremost to yourself, and then in relation to the entire script and other characters? Now for me to do a bit of grumbling. I was very confused about my script for the first 5 months. Thankfully with indication from the higher management, I've been entrusted with a new role, which is less ambiguous, with many many mentors who are more than willing and welcome to share with me how to enhance my performance. Even then, I've noticed a very disturbing fact. No one seems to be sure of the full complete plot, be it whether main cast or supporting cast. With no clear idea of the main complete plot, teamwork amongst all members of the production would of course be a struggle...

Word Play 4: Ability and Capacity for Creation

Three of the previous blog entries were initially meant as feedback and clarification sessions towards some remarks made by my superiors in my workplace, which in my personal opnion, were severely misused. Since then, I've noticed that when I engage in rebuttals of this kind, I delve into "word play", namely by defining the generally accepted explanation of the terms, then employing logic to see whether the accepted explanations apply in the context they are employed, in order to state my argument. Thus, I've decided to sub-head these entries under a "word play" series in this blog. :)

This fourth foray into "word play" is also "inspired" by a rather misguided comment by my boss. To quote the exact words used, I had "created an impression of no teamwork in the office". I'm very sure when he made the remark, there was never suppossed to have been any positive connontation intended. However, he has unwittingly praised me of sorts... :p

Let's look into the definition of the word "creation" from dictionary.com.
1. the act of producing or causing to exist; the act of creating; engendering.
2. the fact of being created.
3. something that is or has been created.
4. the Creation, the original bringing into existence of the universe by God.
5. the world; universe.

The terms "producing", "causing to exist" and even God himself, are components of the word "creation". By golly... Common logic would deduce that to be able to produce or cause something into existence, be it positive or negative, would surely require ability and capacity of a certain level. Afterall, the concept of bringing about something into existence, implies that the something had not existed previously... Goodness, I never knew I was equipped with the ability and capacity to cause disunity and mayhem into existence at my current workplace, within a span of less than six months (he had made this remark in Nov 2011)!

As much as I pride myself on professionalism in the workplace, but unfortunately display a very stern, fierce and intimidating countenance when fulfilling my duties, I would have never thought that these traits alone are enough to bring disintegration of teamwork at my worplace... I'm bound by HR regulations and am unable to reveal too much about what is going on in my workplace, but considering my designation and the amount of authority I'm given, I definitely feel I'm not in any capacity to create anything of this magnitude. Then the subsequent question I wish I could feedback to the management in my office would be, could the negative aspect which I'm held accountable to have created, actually have already existed prior to entry, with me taking on the role of a mere catalyst or magnifier?

Finally, I'll like to end this blog entry off with an general appeal to everyone to not just listen to others' words carefully, but also to apply your own words carefully next time, in whatever context. Even the words of Singapore politicians like Grace Fu, Tin Pei Ling, Chan Chun Sing, come back to haunt them relentlessly... :p

Word Play 3: Common “currency” for measuring productivity?

I’ve had a nasty brush with my boss on Wednesday. Many topics were brought up, but till this day, a spot of bother for me has been the misuse of the term productivity in his statements. He had directly equated the productivity of a certain department in office to its (in)ability to bring in donations.

Let us have a look at productivity from dictionary.com then.
1. The quality, state, or fact of being able to generate, create, enhance, or bring forth goods and services.
2. Economics: the rate at which goods and services having exchange value are brought forth or produced.
3. Grammar: the ability to form new words using established patterns and discrete linguistic elements, as the derivational affixes -ness and -ity .

Even though the context of productivity is applied more towards economics and linguistics, as seen in points 2 and 3, the universally applied terms of generation, creation and enhancement of products and services of a certain quality appear, as seen in the first definition.

In the recent light of how SMRT has grossly underperformed, it is definitely agreed that SMRT is not being productive at all. It may hae even been counterproductive. No doubt SMRT management has been churning in increased profits consistently per annum, it has become complacent in generation of acceptable quality transport, not even to say enhance current transport quality.

A major "habit of convenience" employers have, especially in Singapore, would be to equate productivity with the rate at which income and profits are being generated. They have directly linked income and profits to productivity. However, they have fallen into a “blind spot” of sorts.

The logic behind productivity is:
1. Products or services of acceptable or even enhanced quality are generated
2. These products or services’ demand rises, leading to increase sales, bringing increased income level and profits
3. The income and profit level are thus a measurement of the rate of generation and enhancement of the goods and service.

However, what if income and profit generation, are not through generation and enhancement of the products and services? Firstly, demand may not increase solely due to betterment of the quality of a product. It may simply be just because there are more consumers. Taking SMRT as an example, just because there are more passengers, does not mean its service has improved. It is simply because commuters have no better alternative at the same pricing. With the increased population in Singapore due to influx of people from overseas, the overall number of commuters has increased, definitely translating into increased revenue for SMRT. A second, and even more horrifying notion, is that income generation is not through increased demand at all, but through reduction of expenses or increase of pricing. Reduction of expenses may very well compromise on the quality of the product, whereas increased pricing put a very heavy burden unto consumers, especially if the product and service are necessities...

Dollars and cents are not necessarily the best measure of the productivity of a company, organization or department all the time. The relation between dollars and cents to the amount and quality of service is secondary at best.

Now let me apply it to the particular department in question my boss was talking about. The department as absolutely no direct relations to fundraising and donations, thus it is a “leap of faith” to measure its productivity in relation to fundraising and donations brought in. However, this does not mean, that department has gone “scot free”. The department has to ensure continuous generation and enhancement of its products and services, to convince donors that this organization is a worthwhile place to donate to. With regard to this aspect, I’m still very new to this department, thus I’m in no position yet to assess their productivity using this criteria.

Nevertheless, it is essential and even critical to get the degree of relations and relevance of dollars and cents to our productivity right, and stop worshipping this type of “common sense” blindly, lest we lose all "direction sense" eventually… Just look at the number and frequency of public transport fiascos. This norm is simply not acceptable!

Word Play 2: Leadership & Control

Lately, a term that has sparked fresh interest in me is that of “leadership”, especially of how it is correlated to control, and its amount.

In dictionary.com, the noun “leadership” has the explanations below:
1. the position or function of a leader, a person who guides or directs a group: He managed to maintain his leadership of the party despite heavy opposition. Synonyms: administration, management, directorship, control, governorship, stewardship, hegemony.
2. ability to lead. Synonyms: authoritativeness, influence, command, effectiveness; sway, clout.
3. an act or instance of leading; guidance; direction
4. the leaders of a group.

Point 1 defines the terms in direct relation to leadership, while points 2 to 4 elaborate who does the act, how the act of leadership is carried out, and its criteria. Note the terms of guidance and direction come up in its definition, as well as control. However, it is guidance and direction that are essential to leadership, and not control. Control is merely a tool and effect, during guidance and direction. Confused and lost? Let’s use the analogy of the human body and the condition of epilepsy to get a better idea.

The brain decides how best to proceed in our daily functions, be it learned or natural, consciously or subconscious. We have to consciously learn how to maneuver a pair of chopsticks. It doesn’t come naturally upon birth. However, we never need to consciously learn how much we need to breathe in, it comes naturally. Thus, the brain is the leader in our body, guiding our body parts, which include the heart, lungs, stomach, etc, in performing things all the time. However the relationship of the brain with its body parts is that of an entire team working together. Any amount of inappropriate control to the body would be deemed unhealthy to the body.

What is the criteria of a good leader then? The brain needs to exercise control over the other body parts, in suitable amounts, such that the body stays physically healthy. This exertion of control can be both conscious or unconscious, but it needs to be appropriate. Excessiveness or insufficiency, are both equally detrimental.

In the case of an epileptic, inability to cope with an excessive trigger, which can be physical or mental stress, causes the nerves connecting the brain to the body parts to spark of a “mutiny” or “strike”, with the person doing acts, ranging from that of mildly unnatural to downright harmful and dangerous. The epileptic’s human body suffers physically in such cases.

To cope with this, the epileptic then needs to learn how to cope with the potential of this scenario occurring. This maybe through avoidance of these stress triggers, medication to ease the tolerance level towards these stress triggers, which all work together towards training and conditioning of the epileptic’s tolerance level, such that he or she is eventually recovers, being able to cope with common stress trigger amounts.

This process of training and conditioning depends on the severity of the epileptic’s condition. The epileptic needs to discern wisely how much amount of stress to subject himself or herself to, such that his or her body’s tolerance level neither stagnates without improvement, nor is it such that an attack happens. However, the ultimate direction is that of eventual independence from medication and acceptable tolerance to stress trigger, which is through training and conditioning, under the guidance of past experiences and medication.

A leader needs to know the strengths and weaknesses of his team, tap on the strengths of the team, while guiding the team members to overcome their weaknesses. Thus, appropriate control would be needed. If there is excessive control, like in the case of a hegemony, the team may stagnate in performance with negligible progress towards their direction. With insufficient control, the team may run berserk, with everyone wanting to decide for themselves, losing track of their ultimate common direction. Whichever way, the team is not performing in the optimal standard, being an unhealthy body.

Early on, the knowledgeable apostle Paul had already used the analogy of the body, in the context of leadership and teamwork, specifically in the church. Let’s muse on that Bible verse to end off.

For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.
Romans 12: 4-8 (NIV)