I went to watch the Chinese award winning film “Mad
World” last Wednesday. It was a good opportunity for me to sit back and scrutinize
the depiction of the challenges of recovering mental health patients, their
caregivers, as well as the rest of society’s view of them. It also gave me a comfortable
personal space to reflect on my own journey, as well as what emotions were
going through me as I viewed the movie.
During the opening scene, the protagonist of the film
Ah Tung is scheduled to be released from the mental institution. Awkwardness is
rife between Ah Tung’s father, the doctor from the institution, and Ah Tung’s
father’s neighbourhood community of uncles. Cue that well known hand gesture of
the swirl near one’s side temples, when the neighbourhood uncles dare not identify the mad son, who is discharged and coming over to stay with his dad soon. The audience in
the theatre sniggered in laughter. I recall three days later when by chance my
boyfriend was talking about the movie again, he now said to me.
“I’m sorry if you felt offended when I laughed during
that opening scene.”
Now it is my turn to laugh. I suppose maybe in my
earlier days, I may really have deemed that scene as highly derogatory. I did
not laugh during that scene, but neither did I feel incensed despite the
negative connotations. I actually enjoyed the movie very much though my
reaction was a more of a slightly wistful smile to my face then.
There was even a scene almost able to evoke full-fledged
laughter from me, as I had been subject to similar experiences countless times.
Protagonist Ah Tung is trying to seek employment, and goes for an interview.
All is proceeding smoothly till the honest declaration of his mental condition.
The abrupt change in the interviewer’s attitude, with his struggle to remain
sounding cordial, culminated with Ah Tung’s exasperated statement.
“I can bipolar, in a perfectly orderly manner!”
And that is the truth. Bipolar or mental illness is
not the main issue, as it is actually human nature that one will have their ups
and downs. With the assistance of disciplined self-care, regular consultation
with doctors and /or taking of medication etc, our moments of disorder will
come to pass. Ironically it may be those around us who are more fixated on the
possibilities of disorder. Maybe subconsciously in general, there is a “permanent
fear” we assign to mental illness, which we do not assign to other forms of
illness.
Last Friday, I had gone for an interview, and I had yet
another Ah Tung moment.
“This would be a great environment of healing for you.”
Wait… Wasn’t this supposed to be interviewing for a
job, with the main intention to work, learn and serve at a place? When did “healing”
become a major component of this offer? Am I still so severely damaged that
this issue needs to be brought to the forefront? I do agree that recovery is
all encompassing in all aspects of a patient’s daily life, but to verbalise it
in this manner is kind of off-putting. Despite the kindness of this potential
employer, I could not help sense there was an element of pity lurking, which of
course did not make it too well for myself. Even then, I guess this is business
as usual it seems.
A month ago, I had participated in an outreach manner
event, which speakers spoke of their life stories to the audience, in hope of
bringing awareness to certain topics. During one session, one particular member
of the audience posed a question that left me dumbfounded then.
“Now that you’re signed up to be a speaker for [name
of outreach event], what grievances would you want to air on the behalf on mental
patients?”
A month has passed and with the viewing of Mad World, and
having sorted through my thoughts, I think I may be able to better answer
it now. When recovering mental patients are able to come to a point when their
disorder is held in check, apology from others has become largely irrelevant. I
think what we need more, is for the other peoples around us, when they subject
us to those queer awkwardness, to realise the “madness of those behaviours”
so as to speak. Let’s all be able to laugh all how hilarious it is, because
this is where being perfectly comfortable with each other starts.
P.S. Please do go watch it. Laugh and think and laugh again.
