Forgiveness is not a quota

There’s plenty of mentions in the Bible of the painstaking extent God goes to deal with us. However, personally I feel there’s less in depth elaborate into the dynamics of dealing with others. The most widely quoted one I can think of is the famous “Love thy neighbor as thy self”. Then again, how does one do that, especially in the face of conflict and misunderstanding?
To have a better idea, we may have to turn to look at the concept of forgiveness. God’s love for us is best demonstrated by his act of forgiveness by redeeming us on the cross through death. Not that we literally have to die for others that is, but whenever we are faced with the dilemma of how much do we love others, we are dealing of how much of our own feelings and thoughts are we willing to disregard and write off, in order that the relationship with that other person is preserved.
Then the next question would be how much is the reasonable expectations that one should have of others when dealing with them, to ensure that one both maintain a healthy level of self-love (note this is not selfish love which would then be pride) and love for others? The answer then lies in another famous passage.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)

 

At first glance, God seems to be demanding the impossible of us disciples. However, that is because we have fallen into the mistake of looking at the numbers collectively as a whole. In this passage Jesus is not so much reprimanding Peter for not being able to forgive. Afterall God is not expecting we match his performance. He is actually scolding Peter for setting a pre-determined quota of how much forgiveness he is willing to dispense towards others. On Peter’s own end, he falls into the sin of sloth, trying to make things easy for himself.
The seven times versus seventy-seven times analogy cannot be examined in its absolute form. Jesus is actually explaining to Peter that forgiveness is to be given once at a time, not to be taken stock of. Since forgiveness is an act of love, this is in line with this other well-known verse.

[Love] keeps no records of wrong

1 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV)

Thus, continue dealing with the people around you one interaction at a time. Through this method of compartmentalizing and isolating each interaction, you’ll strike the right balance of love for self with love for others.

The art of clapping

 

The famous saying goes that it takes two hands to clap. However, I wonder whether anyone has examined the concept between the coordination between the two hands. Maybe I’m just too free today lah.

 

When both hands put in excess effort in the clap, the plus point is that there’s definitely remarkable sound made, but your palms would hurt from the bruises made too. Think of it like two people being very equally over insistent on things to go their way resulting in conflict.

When both hands put in too little effort to clap, the advantage is that there’s no sore palms. However, there may be negligible sound made. In fact in worse situations, the palms may fail to even make contact with each other.

Then there’s the additional element of direction that the palms must be moving. They must move towards each other. It signifies the sincere desire to want to make contact and sound.

What is the optimum performance of clapping such that sound is made while not hurting any palm? In Chinese, there’s the concept of 默契. Seems that coordination is a very technical translation of that concept, but it’ll have to do for now, that is till someone is able to suggest to me a better phrase or word. The amount effort made by one hand must be in synchronization with that of the other hand.

In different relationships with different people and different situations, we want our claps to sound and feel differently. Here, both hands have to take their time and effort to find their optimum harmony. That is unless clapping is not needed or wanted anymore. Then, I’ll go on to answer that other famous question “What is the sound of one hand clapping.” It’s a slap, not clap! And that is a totally different thing altogether. :p

It's love, not time... Stupid! -_-

 

I’d been very concerned about the concept of time recently and very dulan. Not in an exactly suicidal mode but more of wondering what the heck was The One up to with all this lack of activity going on. Going by the pragmatist model I usually operate, if something is not need, it should not be kept. And no matter how I look at how I am faring, I don’t think my peg in the entire cogwork of this universe really matters and I still do retain this view. Felt that God was a very resource-depleting God, wasting precious time and resources. However I hit upon the obstacle that God Himself controls time and it is for Him to waste anyway, so that was a reprieve of sorts from the time continuum rut that I had been stuck in.
Ok, since the concept of time waste is irrelevant to God, then what is relevant to Him. Ah, back to the basic verse of 1 Corinthians 13:4-5. God is concerned with love; His love for us and our love for Him. And so to ensure that this issue is settled, God is more than willing to use all the time in His capacity. So with this, the “voila” moment came. As long as one day God feels that I have not fully grasped and mastered 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 in its entirety, one more day I’ll have to continue my journey of learning. Well, no playing truant with this headmaster I guess… Note that the word "time" never appears in that verse at all.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

 

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (NIV)

Finished with face off

There’s a certain procrastination and even narcissism in merely facing up to something for too long without taking action. Think of it like staring at the mirror at that much reviled blemish on your face, constantly whining about how it does injustice to you.  Frankly, if you don’t contribute your part of the deal to do some action at facial damage control with the latest creams and gels, I’d think one fully deserves that big spot on one’s face.

Facing up to a problem is merely the initial step of removing one’s self-pity. However, if one just faces it and stares at it, then I’ll really wonder how much progress is made towards the journey out of whining. Sometimes not facing something doesn’t mean denial. It just means you have other things which you know you are capable of attending to, and you’d rather devote time and effort to something which brings about results. Maybe it’s because I’ve become too Singaporean in mindset, and result-oriented.

The difference between the two can be seen from the two Chinese phrases 面对 and 应对. The second suggests an extension of the first, a participatory element, regardless of what the results may be. In a game of monopoly where one gets jailed, 应对 actually means many scenarios. One may make an active move to pay the fine to get out and continue to proceed; or continue trying to throw a double whenever during one’s turn to try getting out free; or in the most extreme case totally withdraw from the game altogether. 面对 merely means sitting there watching the game continue one without making any move at all.

面对 is only one stop short of procrastination and imbecility on one’s part to cope, it is certainly nothing I’d boast about. 应对goes beyond this to suggest a maturity on one’s part to accept whatever happens regardless of the results, as I’d like to decipher “应对”’s “应” comes from the phrase “应该”, meaning what one deserves or what must happen ultimately. I’d much rather taking ownership and responsibility over myself than leave any opportunity to moan. At least it leaves one ultimately with no regrets, ya?