I had watched Hidden Figures on 15 February 2017 Wednesday,
and while I was not particularly blown away by the film, the inspiring stories
of the three female protagonists were nice enough for the viewing experience to
end on a positive note. I just did not know there was an essential afterthought
relating to the film yet to be discovered. Over the next two days I happened to
help a trainer at my work organization facilitate her talks, which involved appreciation
and communication between different generational groups. And while doing my
work, my thoughts soft of wandered over to a friend’s sister (I’ll address her
as G to keep anonymity) who I had “mother-hened” for the past two weeks.
G is in the 25-30 year old range, graduated out from
an Australian university since last year. Since then, times have been bad in
Singapore economically speaking. G had managed to do a probation for
copywriting, though she never made it through to confirmation. She is now still
struggling to find another job. I suppose there is a sense of perverted irony,
as when I was giving her those support and guidance talks over the phone, I had
a “Back-to-the-Future” moment. It was like speaking to myself when I was in
2005, when I blew my probation opportunity at People’s Association big time,
ending up in a mental institution for a while. My behavior then was quite reprehensible.
It seemed as the entire world was not giving me my due world, everyone (family,
friends, the public) owed me everything, they were all bullies who did not recognize
my brilliance and intelligence, and these morons should have been prostrating
at my feet, cowering at my anger.
When G was telling me last Tuesday on how she found
her situation hopeless, I had asked her of what exactly she wanted in her career
life. Of course everyone wants a well-paid job, but how do you define “well
paying”? What is the bottom line amount which can feed her comfortably? This
question was left unanswered. Also, when I threw out many options to delve
into, she dismissed the nature of all those options, either stating that the
nature of those jobs were restrictive ones which “allowed for no out of it” or
were “beneath her”, as she needed to maintain some form of basic dignity,
without having her peers look down on her.
I cannot help but muse about differentiating between “pride”
and “dignity”. If my past ten years have taught me, it is that pride is a
luxury good, which may even have negative effects on your life, whereas dignity
is a necessity for livelihood. We need to be discerning about the two, especially
when accessing your situation in life, and not mistake one for the other.
I would say there is minimal pride in my current job,
and maybe actually it is for the best. It has a basic yet critical amount of
dignity, because it pays me comfortable for this full 2017 at least, whilst
also being in an environment of direct yet kind colleagues, letting me be able
to work and rest healthily. Thus my advice to G is still, to ask her what is
important now, because at this very moment the looming presence of continued
unemployment in feeding herself day to day still stalks her. If she cannot even
bring herself to look at this, what is the relevance of how others look at her.
Resolve this immediate issue, and regain that dignity and well-being. Pride can
wait.
For myself it has been a fully decade, and I hope I
have changed for the better. I wish I could tell a miracle turnabout story, but
my life is not a bed of roses. In terms of career development and
sustainability, the work I do is under grave danger. The project’s funding ends
in March 2018, and current signs of performance of the project itself are not
in funding renewal’s favour, putting my job security in peril. I also still harbor
melancholy whenever I recall two earlier jobs which I loved their nature very
much. The complexity of the politicking in those two environments was beyond
me, and the members wanted me gone despite reasonable performances, leading to
me being forced to resign. I often wonder whether I will ever get another
opportunity to serve another cause, which is as fulfilling as those two. I see
no such chance over any horizon yet.
When this mixed caldron surfaced again while I was
reflecting on how I well or unwell I had assist G, solace came from the
character of Dorothy Vaughan in Hidden Figures(played by Octavia Spencer, on the fair right of the poster) . Dorothy treasured mentoring and managing role her
department of computers (as in female staff computing figures in an era without
calculators), despite being looked upon with disdain and lack of official recognition
by the fellow white female colleagues in NASA. Being very alert to what is
happening on the horizon of the nature of work in her environment, she seized
upon the opportunity to carve out new duties and role for herself and her fellow coloured staff, by securing a coup with the department manning the IBM Main Frame
Computers in NASA, to not only become the official supervisor, but also securing
all her previous female staff in the computing figures department positions over
in the new department.
At the setup for today’s training session, I had a
casual talk with the trainer who enquired about my future direction in career
development. I honestly confided with her the “feeling of being stranded and lost”,
which she kindly acknowledged, stating that times are so unpredictable and volatile
with changes. While I am unable to foresee what is happening, because of my
past unique experience, I do tend to notice somethings which my peers would
readily and easily dismiss. Hopefully these things I notice are doorways to the
opportunities in the future that I have been praying for so badly.
