Baaa... Humbug about sight!

I was moved by God recently to read the scripture pertaining to God’s command to Abraham to offer Issac as a burnt sacrifice to him. Previously this passage had never had much significance to me and I had always read through it with a “ho-hum” kind of breezy manner. That is till last night.

 

I had been nursing this discontentment against a friend recently. We were previously very close on matters of the heart as we were both down on the dumps of sorts. Then something within me had shook and I decided that my acknowledgment period was up, it was “proceeding onward” time.  However she wasn’t too convinced that I had completely given due face to my problems and was still trying to run away from them. This got me quite pissed and resulting in the following “cooling off period” with her. Till this day I still cannot really bring myself to speak to her at ease. Turns out both she and me are both right and wrong at the same time. Indeed I hadn’t completely acknowledged my fears and desires, BUT it was also true that it was high time for moving on. Some things can progress in parallel.

This is where I’ll like to examine a bit of how Abraham’s psyche functioned in the passage. God had sworn to bless him with countless descendants and though initially skeptical, he had been bestowed upon Issac in the latter years of his life. So imagine the conflict and confusion when God command him to offer his very own son as a burnt offering.  One thing very kiam pah about the Bible is that it rarely does direct narration of the internal struggles of the characters, but chooses to let us readers do detective work instead by depicting the character’s words and actions.

For actions wise, Abraham was very obedient to God by going about his exact commands. However what struck me was the portion when during his journey with Issac and his servants to the sacrificial hill, the exact words he had replied his servants.

“Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.”

Genesis 22:5 (NIV)

 

Abraham was struggling to reconcile how was he able to have his son, but yet still offering his son as a burnt offering to God at the same time. He definitely couldn't see how all this would work out. The bold line felt more like to prayer to God than a passing remark to inform his servants. This is further evidenced later when Issac asked him where the lamb was and his reply.

“God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.”

Genesis 22:8 (NIV)

 

The interesting thing to note is that the two conflicting ideas within Abraham, love and obedience towards God, and love for his own son, neither was sinful. It just seemed that merely irreconcilable at the time.

I was wondering to myself, was Abraham clinging onto a tiny hope that God would withdraw his initial command. The more I read, the more I had to admit yes. That would explain the use of plurals when he informed his servants of the arrangements to return, and his reply to his son that God would provide a lamb eventually. And Jesus did offer himself up at the ultimate lamb offering much much later on…
 

Though I’ve done personality analysis test and found myself to fit primarily in the Melancholic group represented by Abraham, I admit in doing this tightrope act of both obedience to God while acknowledgment of self wise, I’m still kind of shaky. Some parts of myself I constantly deny out of this fear that it is indication of disobedience and disloyalty towards God. However, God has pushed me towards examining this aspect hard, as denial of self would then run risk of the dishonesty to God. And please lah, kidding God?! Impossible con job…

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.

Psalms 103:13-14 (NIV)

 

This Saturday I’ll be bringing my own “Issac” up prayer hill. Ok, so God hasn’t promised me anything concrete apart from “plans to prosper” and “give you hope and a future”. Bleah, talk about ambiguity. -_- Precisely because of this ambiguity, the concept of “prosperity, hope and a future” are as abstract to me as that of describing colours to a person who is born blind. However, God also never penalizes anyone for construction ideas of what this “prosperity, hope and a future” are. Like I was remarking to a Christian mentor about how coincidental that I’d be having Dialogue in the Dark session at Ngee Ann Polytechnic this Saturday with my friends, when you do not have any sight of what the future holds, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to shut off the four other senses to what lies ahead. Meanwhile I’ll just keep listening to the below few verses to reassure myself while constructing a better idea what the “plans to prosper” and “give you hope and a future” may look like. Time to listen to His voice more when he doesn’t want to show me things. For all I know, I may starting hearing a “baa” somewhere calling.


Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
John 20: 29 (NIV)

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)