Smiling :)

This post was initially in the lyrical about life blog in late September and early October, but upon reflection, it may be more relevant here. In 《红楼梦》one of the main female protagnists, 林黛玉, is a scrooge when it comes to smiling despite being a ravishing beauty, only reserving her rare smiles for her beau, 贾宝玉.

Was just having another random session of reflections when I realised a very common statement close friends have continuously made. Those whose friendship have deepened with me always remark "If I didn't get to know you well, I wouldn't think you're the type to smile". My reply would always be "Why should I smile when there is no need to smile". Now in retrospect, I think the reply was kind of a half-truth, as what I always wanted to say was "Why should I smile for others, when there is no such need to smile?"

Now when I put it into a honest statement to myself, I really want to guffaw. When did the notion of my smile belonging to others, and not myself ever occur??? The muscles are on my face, not theirs!!!! Goodness, I'm always a pundit for logic and common sense. Now looking at this statement point blank, it makes totally no sense and is absolutely hilarious. Really want to burst out laughing, but instead what comes out is more of the twitching of the corners of my mouth into an upward curve ever so slight. Well, I think God would say it's an improvement of sorts. :p

Below is a wikipedia link to the concept of smiling.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smile

By gosh I don't know when I always linked the notion of smiling for me, in particular to have a heavy negative connotation versus the positive connotation. When I reflect on what I naturally associate my smiles in particular with, a lot of ridiculous and nonsensical notions actually surface.

1. Smiling is a sign of absolute immaturity
This rationale is crap. I look at so many who I love, admire and respect, they're all great smilers who naturally exude an air of self-respect and self-assuredness. How come when I apply it to myself, the concept of immaturity comes in???
2. I'm lousy at attempting to smile when the incentive is low and it comes out deceptive, so I'd rather go to the other extreme and look serious
Ok, this notion is slightly better in logic but then loopholes are still present with flawed logic. Of course smiling for the sake of smiling seems forced and I've always been lousy at acting. Then I stop short. Wait, when did the concept of it being acting come in? Why doubt my own sincerity? I can conversely also be insincere in attempting to come across as serious, but how come I never question and plough straight ahead with displaying this behaviour??? Weird...
3. I should only smile and laugh at appropriate timings
Flawed logic again. When is it "appropriate"? I tend to define the appropriate timing and amount based on others, never myself. For those who I'm familiar and assured with, then of course it emerges more, and vice versa for the other opposite scenario. Goodness, no wonder many always remark later I have this look as if I want to "murder" someone initially, when I'm actually freaking scared of being "murdered" by them...

We human being are created in the image of God. It is very amazing the Bible has never mentioned what Jesus Christ looked like, with not a single word on his physical features. We thinking that He being God, would have to look awesomely handsome, with a megawatt smile of the holy kind. Then the ball is thrown back to our, namely my court. Since I'm a daughter of His, of course I must resemble him. If I think He has a great smile, why doubt that I'm terrible at smiling and should remain poker faced unless necessary. When He tells me to smile, then just smile la, goodness! :)

Movie Mayhem with God Part 8: The Ides of March

Alright, a final movie to wrap up for 2012. Sorry, for only writing it now as I think it's most probably off from the theatres by now, though for those determined ones, you can still try your luck with Cathay. Good luck!

My feelings towards this movie are very mixed. I had watched it as early as 10 weeks ago and was utterly dejected when I walked out. Not disappointed with the movie. In fact, it was a great movie. I had gained another two actors to follow (Ryan Gosling and George Clooney). More of disappointed with myself as I knew how much I could relate to Ryan Gosling's character in the film. I was greatly in danger of being totally disillusioned and jaded with my work then... Yup, Ryan Gosling's character ends up that way, after a series of tumultous events which totally changes his outlook towards what he had believed in and served so passionately then. I do not wish to give spoilers, so please check out the film at your DVD shop three months later or try your luck at Cathay cinemas asap...

I'd like to delve deeper into where I think Ryan Gosling's character had gone wrong in the start, which would ultimately lead to eventual disappointment no matter what. He was worshipping and serving people (which includes not just his colleagues but also himself) and the work itself, not God. Ok, very difficult to explain what is the difference, but to just to simplify matters, he idolised people (himself and/or others) and the work itself.

However, no matter what or who we idolise, we'll eventually end up being disappointed with it or them, period. Simply because they are not God. Thus, they will have the capacity to fail and disappoint. Just as God blessed us with them, we must keep in mind that they are from God, but they are not God... I know this is very hard to explain in concrete terms... To get a bit of relevant support, maybe this blog of mine "Work ≠ War" may help shed more light unto what I'm trying to get at...
http://workneednotencompasswar.blogspot.com/

We just have to keep our focus on God. Then everything will be alright. Period. It is by no coincidence that 2012 begins on a sunday. Sunday is Sabbath, basically a day of rest as decided by God himself. Let's all give ourselves a good rest on the first day of 2012, so that we can focus on God for 2012, and leave it for Him to pave the way for us. All we need to do is make sure we look out for his voice and obey his words. It's always about God, never about how, what, why, us, them or it...

but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
Exodus 20:10-11 (NIV)

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
Ecclesiastes 3:9-14 (NIV)

How "intimate" are you with your job?

First and foremost, I'll like to thank God for having safely brought me to the last day of 2011, It's been a rocky year, but I look back and thank Him for tiding me through. Secondly, I'd like to thank Him for giving me the "eureka" moment by answering this persistent question that has been bugging me quite a while, especially in the past four months... In a previous post on this blog, I had brought up that a common advice friends had given me, when I shared my dejection over work challenges, was to "just treat this as a job".

Frankly speaking, I hated that phrase. In fact, I detested that phrase and was sort of "sneering" behind their backs at what I thought was their lack of commitment and professionalism. Finally upon reading this collection of short stories "Kadokawa Shoten" (loosely translated as "Definitely no tears") by Fumio Yamamoto, I finally realised the truth...

In Yamamoto's short stories, she potrays snippets of ladies in a range of common and uncommon professions, and their mindsets when going about work and their relationships with others (this includes not just colleagues but also family, friends and even lovers) pertaining to their job. In the epilogue, Yamamoto writes that it is "not necessary for everyone to love or even like their job", even though the author herself prefers the mode of being madly in love with her work. She also says that due to the limited time span each of us have in our life, we are unable to experience all the different types of work available, and thus will never understand or empathise how others treat their work.

I'm very grateful for having read these insights and gained a better understanding to that phrase I had reviled so much then. Turns out that that phrase is a "rubber phrase", as people often describe as flexible to personal preference and interpretation. We tend to think of our job as an object, something devoid of emotions, likes and dislikes. Granted the work itself is not a being. However, when we work, we will have to deal with other human beings. It is just that depending on the nature of our job, the types of people we deal with will vary and so will our frequency with them. Thus, I'd like to further build on Yamamoto's insight, and state that how we define our job depends on the level and type of intimacy we'll like to have with those we deal with when working...

This intimacy preference, will then depend solely on the personal makeup of what are the worker's principles and values. Taking myself, I crave honesty, integrity and responsibility, both from self and others. Thus, the vibes I may give off to others may be that of stern, demanding though sincere. For those who value principles and values of kindness and forgiveness, they may come across as less intimidating to others, though I would misunderstand and view it as complacency and leniency to both self and others.

In this area, there is no rule of right and wrong level and type of intimacy, as each person is unique in their makeup. What matters most is that as a worker, we have a relationship with our work. Afterall, creation itself is work, God himself being the ultimate creator, having a relationship with all that he created. Once we cease to want to maintain our relationships at work at all, only then it really signalls something being very wrong...

Having completed my LCCI course in basic accounting, I've always been fascinated by the defintions of terms "capital", "asset" and "liability", though more from a sociological and linguistic point-of-view. As we draw to the close of this year, I've come to realise that God is indeed absolutely fair and just to everyone. Each one of us, has an equal amount of time in a full day. Everyone only has 24 hours. No more, no less. We are all given equal capital. Whether it translates into an asset or liability, will depend on how we work to maintain our relationships. Happy New Year's Eve and blessed 2012!

P.S. For those who are tired with their work and/or maintenance of relationships, maybe just sneak a peak into the book of Ecclesiastes of the Bible. It seems a depressing read upon first glance, but take time to digest it slowly. We have all the same amount of "capital" to use. Enjoy!

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
Ecclesiastes 3:9-14 (NIV)

Relationship Thirst: Coffee or Wine?

In the Dream of the Red Mansion《红楼梦》, the protagonist 贾宝玉 often questions about relationship thirst, debating over the theory that men are made of soil and women are made of water. After having been through a series of heart-wrenching events, he eventually deduced that men and women contain both elements.

I've shared with some peers about my relationship escapades, past and present. Strictly speaking they were all prematurely conceived or one-sided (though part of me is still highly suspicious but even then...). Most feedback generated were that my "tactics" employed were suicidal, such that I extinguished any possibility through my forthrightness.

One close friend was very amused over how I still kept in touch with a certain guy for more than a decade, with both me and him still in 暧昧 mode. She had jokingly remarked that this series of happenings between us two could rival the length of Taiwanese drama serials, and that if it were her, she would have lost patience early on.

A mentor of mine from my current workplace had once analysed that if a woman's outlook towards relationships is that she wishes to love the guy more than he loves her, she must be prepared to have patience to wait for the relationship to nurture.

It seems that most my compatriots outlook towards boy-girl relationshps often take the mode of coffee, especially instant coffee. The aim is to settle for something that quenches your thirst as soon as possible, while providing both parties with as much energy to keep awake for the challenges ahead. If the coffee has added creamer, sugar thrown in according to cater to your individual taste bud preference level, all the better.

The attitude I (and some other rarer girl friends) have towards boy-girl relationships is of that of wine. We do not ask for too much. A small sip is enough to open up our appetite to love him more, our digestion of the blessings we have been bestowed everyday. We are also patient in waiting for it to ferment into a top-rate beverage.

However, be it wine or coffee, over-reliance on them to quench thirst runs risk of leading to addiction. I do not need to elaborate the negative and detrimental effects of coffee addiction and alcohol addiction.

Here I need to keep in mind the most important element in all beverages, namely water. Without any fluid, it would cease to function as a beverage. As Jesus Christ has likened himself to being water to quench our spiritual thirst, I would pray for him to lead me toward the exact beverage suited to satisfy and nourish me. Amen!

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
John 4:13-14 (NIV)

I am simply a woman

I didn’t like《红楼梦》(Dream of Red Mansions) during my early years. Thought it was just a boring tale of a guy dithering in a bunch of girls, aka Bella Twilight style. That was till this year…

I don’t think I’ve been through a lot for this past three decades. I know of people who have been through more challenges and ordeals. This is not a blog of grumbling or ranting, but of intimate talk and reflections as a woman.

Yes, I’ve become a woman, not a girl anymore. Somehow when I was ploughing through the abridged version of the book,《吴淡如新说红楼梦》, at full speed ahead, something within me tugged… It was like God holding up a mirror to me, showing me what constitutes a woman, the good the bad and the ugly. I could see parts of my current self in all the females, and parts of what I actually wished was my future better and more godly self. Considering that the author of the book is a male, I find this amazing… But then, again, God’s ways are out of the world, completely objective and just, aren’t they?

I wouldn’t say I got this eureka moment when I finished the book, more of a long sigh moment. I couldn’t even identify the emotion behind the sigh. All I understand are these few insights:
· You can’t keep anything. In fact there’s no point and no good in keeping it. What falls under “anything” then? It’s practically everything we’ve been given by God in our life in this world.
· Whatever’s happened to us on this world, good or bad, it wasn’t a waste of time. It was a necessary journey to learn to love.
· When one person loves another, it is really is that one party owes the other. No, I’m not advocating belief in karma and reincarnation. A Christian way of reconciling this would be that we’ve sinned to God, and he’s telling us to fulfill our part of repentance by loving others. However, the nature of the love we're supposed to give the other party is not for us to control but for us to obey according to God's orders. Only then do we show love for God, and totally let go of this worldly life.
· I do believe that only Jesus, son of God’s love saved us from sin. However, contrary to this linear one-dimensional interpretation I’d like to inject in another angle. The previous type of love we bore towards others was idolatory love. We loved those others more than God. We forgot they were gifts bestowed to us by Him. We either thought they were God, or we thought that we were God. Thus the journey on this world is for us to realise and grapse this truth.

Of course the overarching theme behind this novel is fate. However I believe fate and God are mutually inclusive and the same actually, thus explaining God’s omnipotence and omnipresence. Afterall, when the author wrote the novel, I don’t think he was aware of Christian principles. As I’ve said in a previous blog entry in another separate blog, the written word is God. We just need to look and reconcile, to recognise Him there.

I’ll just sign off this intro entry with what I gleaned from my first reading of the novel. I’ve identified what I’m supposed so display as a woman of Christ after reading the book. The next entries will touch on the characteristics I’ve to learn to display and their corresponding contexts.
Amen!

红楼所悟
工作认真须像探春；对家人长辈谦卑须像宝钗；对命运释怀须像迎春；辨别是非对错须像尤三；求自保须像惜春；对同事忍让须像平儿；表白心态坦白须像晴雯；对待朋友义气须像湘云；对爱执著须像黛玉；言出必行须像鸳鸯，不枉此生为女子…

Word Play 1: Professionalism

A recent pet phrase of mine has been the term "professionalism", especially in the light of the office politics that has been been rocking me to and fro for the past five months. In the previous blog entry, I touched on the concept of how commitment to your job is actually related to your love and passion for this calling. Today I'll try correlating love and professionalism.

Here's the definition of the term "profession" from dictionary.com
profession (noun)
1. a vocation requiring knowledge of some department of learning or science
2. any vocation or business.
3. the body of persons engaged in an occupation or calling
4. the act of professing; avowal; a declaration, whether true or false
5. the declaration of belief in or acceptance of religion or a faith

The noun "profession" is usually used in a more bombastic context to replace the drab term "job". However when we look into the dictionary, we see some hidden element behind the term profession which the word "job" does not necessarily mention or include.

In the first point, when you go about your profession, you definitely require some knowledge of it, or else you wouldn't have gotten accepted for the post. Consecutively as you progress in this profession, you knowledge in this spectrum is expected to grow, or you would not deserve to call this your profession. Usually a dynamo of sorts is essential in driving us in pursuit of knowledge. This dynamo or force is a love for something, be it promotion in hierachy, earning, status, the enjoyment during the actual act of carrying out the tasks required for the job. Next, in the third to fifth points, the concepts of calling, avowal, declaration and faith appear. All this are highly related to the concept of love and do not need further elaboration. Thus, we can safely deduce that the critical element differentiating "job" and "profession", is the presence of love. If you love your work, it no longer is just a job, it becomes your profession.

The next question to ask ourselves is, how do we identify and define "love". Well, the famous 1 Corinthians 13 chapter gives us a lengthy insight into the concept of love as I'll transcribe it later. Below is a reflection on how I am performing in each aspect.

Kindness: joy in helping others.
Sad to say I'm calculative in this element, such that the amount I dispense is also according to how the other party has treated me first. It may be high time for me to throw away the bookeeping for how much to help others, in correspondence to how they much they help me.

Patience: accepting the imperfections of others
Drat! I am an epic failure at this one. Don't even dare to describe how I perform. I don't even show patience to myself, thus this causes huge misunderstandings on the part of many who do not know me, thinking I love to find fault with others. I do self-bashing much more than they know...

Forgiveness: Freedom from the grip of anger
Ok, my past track record at this was not much better than the previous aspect of patience. Thankfully the past five months have improved my performance in the humility aspect and this has rubbed onto the forgiveness part. Many old baggages of anger towards be it others or myself have been thrown away. The anger still simmers once in a while, but most of what I feel now is melancholy and wistfulness at how things could have been instead, if I had just been more humble, courteous and patient...

Courtesy: Treating others as friends
This one is kinda tricky, because different people treat others who they truthfully declare to be friends, differently. Thus when I treat other in a manner which I feel is already courteous enough, it may not match up to the other party's definition of how they feel a friend should treat them. This oversight in putting myself in others' shoes has been one of the major culprits behind the mayhem for the past five months. I need to remember to be conscious of how my friends what to be treated by me, not only how I want to treat my friends...

Humility: Stepping down to let others step up
Another chronic problem of mine. Many close friends have chided me for having this "I know better than you" mentality, when I tell them what's happened to me in the workplace. Even if my intentions behind giving an insider, more experienced POV is actually kind, it may not be taken so by the other party, because of the "I" term which crops up way too much. I must train myself to use the word "you" more instead while reducing the "I", and to change their sequence, letting "you" appear before "I" more often...

Generousity: Giving myself to others
I've shown fairly consistent performance in this area, since under the mentorship of Jamie two years ago. She's long left that place and so have I. However, she is the angel sent by God who has been propelling me in the discipleship of love towards my profession. I don't think I'll be able to show consistency in this area without her guidance under her tuelage then. And now in this new place, there are also other mentors whom I must remind myself to look up, lest I let up my diligence.

Honesty: Revealing who you are
Hahahaha. Seems like I have not much trouble underperforming in this area. In fact I overperform, such that it is too bare naked for some to bear. :p The confusion then comes in is the misinterpretation by others of the motives and agendas behind my naked honesty... Sigh... I may need to clothe myself in kindness, patience, courtesy and humilty more, such that they see better...

It's good to reflect on how my love for my work had grown since 2008. It can indeed be a profession, and no longer just a job for me. A final big thanks to God for having helped me identify my calling, and I pray for his guidance and care in helping me remain faithful in my love for it. Amen!


P.S. This blog entry was inspired after reading "Love as a way of life" by Gary Chapman. Anyone who feels the dousing on love in any part of their life, I would highly recommend picking this book up. Enjoy! :)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 7 (NIV)